Pursuing Adventures

Life Changes

Reading some of my old posts is fascinating and I find it so healthy to go back and learn about myself. I can see things today that were weighing me down before.

It has now been a year since I quit my job and 9 months since it has been official. I have spent this time:

• Healing - both physically and emotionally
• Failing fast at a start-up with crazy founders
• Enjoying time with friends
• Being lost for a bit
• Feeling disgusted with how big business works
• Realizing that all I want is a way to make a living so I can write
• Learning that I need help in getting my body back and that it takes hard work
• Allowing myself to feel

Trust

Trust is so fragile. You let people into your life. You never see their true face often because 1) you choose not look at it or 2) they have perfected their ability to hide it.

But when you either decide to look at it or they drop their mask and the truth is staring you right between the eyes, look and decide.

For me, I will give you the benefit of the doubt. But if you cross the line, I am done. And rebuilding the trust is usually not an option.

Ignorance

Her: "2011 was a really terrible year. It has to get better."

Me; "yeah, it was pretty rough and hopefully, we will start seeing some changes."

Her: "You are so lucky you don't have kids. You have no idea how much I worry about their future."

How dare anyone say this to me? It infuriates me. It's not like I made a conscious choice not to have kids. And I worry about the future of billions regardless if they are biologically mine.

I can't stand when people who have kids tell me how lucky I am ... people have no clue what other people feel and go through.

Time

All we have is time. Take time for you. Invest in knowing yourself and what you want. Move away from what was drilled into your brain about what you are supposed to do.

Create your own rules and never let anyone get in your way. If you keep encountering the same roadblock, bad relationship or stressful work situation then there is a lesson you have yet to learn. Take the precious time, dig deep inside and break the pattern.

There is no destination. Just a series of life lessons. Cherish time and be very present. Focus on what is possible for you.

Openings and Closings

Relationships are fragile and for me, transparency is key with people I am close to. This is about my disappointment with G because I checked my work email while I was on vacation. My bad. I thought writing about it would help me understand my reaction.

I try to treat people as I would like to be treated. But when I feel someone has crossed a line, I shut down. G will have to do a lot to ever regain my trust and friendship. She made a choice that she may believe is in her best interest but it has shut the door with me.

We need to be cognizant of boundaries -- not just our own but those of others.

Sometimes when someone crosses the line, they need to focus on their new destination and leave the past behind.

No one gives us the rule book but with life experience, we should have sufficient common sense to navigate the fragile threads that bind us to each other.

It comes down this: I despise games and value honesty. There is little time for manipulation.

Be straight -- even if it hurts.

Where G went astray is when she asked me if she could interview for another position and made some lame excuses, which I called her on. She was not honest. And by talking about it, she told me that she had already interviewed. I would have supported her but the way she did it hurt.

Her new life awaits her. I understand her rationale but her approach was uninspiring and dishonest. That is the crux of it and I need to get over myself on this issue.

What's next for me? How much longer at the insane asylum that is supporting my chosen lifestyle?

Maybe I need to write a business book first that will fund my lifestyle?

 

Pursuit

I skimmed an article this morning that talked about how the key leadership ingredient that is pursuit. I so disagree, which is funny because I do strategy for a living.

Here’s the thing – pursuit leads to attainment. What you pursue will determine the paths you travel, the people you associate with, the character you develop, and ultimately, what you do or don’t achieve. Having a mindset focused on pursuit is so critical to leadership that lacking this one quality can sentence you to mediocrity or even obsolescence. The manner, method, and motivation behind any pursuit is what sets truly great leaders apart from the masses. If you want to become a great leader, become a great pursuer.

I was just having a splash in the pool and it hit me that we are too obsessed with goals and what's next. I forced myself to swim and run without thinking about how long it was or which end i would need to reach or how many laps did I swim. Goals are important but not as a way to live every day. They are good for a direction but the obsession with achievement is what i want to shed and leave behind.

Day #3 in Naka Island - #9 in Vacation

Woke up and feeling lazy. I am surrounded by couples and families, including newlyweds.  I don't think that they are used to having single women show up and want to have a great experience. Hotels miss huge opportunities to cater to the needs of single people. Actually, what they miss most is their ability to create experiences and relationships with their guests as their approach is very transactional.  In reality, they should be seeing every guest as part of their marketing campaign to bring more people to their properties.

But, alas, I am on vacation so I won't even try to solve their problems.

I need to spend the next few days outlining my Ebooks -- The Journey: A Guide for Young Girls and Women; Social Business, The Future of Work and Talent.

I have to get my thoughts around what's next.  Do I get a medical leave? Do I open my own shingle? Do I move cities? I will listen again to my reading with Maria and take note of the key themes that speak to me.  I met the marketing director for this resort yesterday and we had a drink. She asked me whether I would consider moving to Asia. I feel so very lucky that I am blessed with so many options and it is all about following my own beat now.

So off I go to my steam shower, which is outside in the villa. I love the fact that my bedroom is at the center of the villa and is open.  In front of me is my splash pool and two sitting areas.  Behind me is the bathroom, open closet, steam shower, outdoor shower and a huge bath.  I am so fucking lucky and I know it.

On the agenda for today is breakfast, pool, ocean and signing up for some treatments. Life is good.

 

Is this me?

I am not sure why I am doing all this horoscope stuff especially since I have so much I want to write about.  But here goes some more.  My sister sent this to me and it actually gave me chills ...

Happy Birthday, Cancer! Compassionate and idealistic, you’re also an uncompromising optimist who believes there’s always a better way. You refuse to give up on people or concepts you believe in, and may take a lot of heat from cynics that surround you. Your methods differ from standardized procedures, making your career and personal progress somewhat eccentric.

You cannot stand to be dominated, controlled, or minimized by others. You’d rather be alone or go without than grovel at the feet of someone you cannot respect. You may be the black sheep of your family -- or perhaps the most stubborn, persistent one. People have trouble predicting your next moves because, in many ways, you’re an atypical Cancerian.

Although you love your home, family, and traditions, you’re also a free spirit who enjoys roaming the world and freely experiencing new cultures and environments. You are not a wallflower. Free thinking and curious, you’re a global citizen instead of a tiresome collection of boring habits and prejudices. Unafraid of obstacles, you fight valiantly for what you believe is morally just and fair.

Like Don Quixote, you never give up on your ‘impossible’ dream. You will not accept others’ pale excuses. As long as your family and closest friends are safe and secure, you don’t need the approval of others. In fact, you’d much rather have others’ respect than love. Because you are so passionate in your dedication to a belief, relationship, or cause, you make an irresistible salesperson and motivational speaker.

Your words and example move people. Your deep feelings may take a toll on your sensitive digestive system, setting you up for a myriad of stomach and lower tract complaints. Be pristine in the care of your teeth, bones, skin, and hair -- and don’t smoke. . . ever.

Perfect doesn't exist

You know all those celebrities who spend thousands to have perfect bodies, perfect teeth, perfect hair and perfect mates? Don't be jealous. Keep in mind that there's a huge industry invested in pointing out that they are just like us (pimples, junk food, divorces and all).And their photos all get touched up ...

In other words, perfect doesn't exist -- so why are you working so hard at it? Glitches, mistakes and missteps keep you in sync with everyone -- especially the people you love.

Embrace your imperfections!

First two weeks of 2011

Got home last night and so happy.  My flight landed at 8:30 pm and I was home by 9:30 exhausted.  Boy, I was so happy to see my front door and my bed.   I actually got a decent night's sleep and feel refreshed.  I had a good week in Toronto.  Mostly, because I have made a decision and I am going to do my best to stick to it this year:

Focus on what I have and ignore what I don't.  Live with what I have and take it to the next level since I have so much ...

What I learned from the Costa Rica trip is that people with millions of dollars are not happy.  They can fly on private jets.  They can pay nannies to raise their children.  They stress over getting their dysfunctional kids into the best school.   And they are miserable.  They don't have deep relationships because they use what they have as a shield.  Money can't buy what they don't have.

Now, back to me.

I have my health, my family, my job, my house, my friends, my vision, my passion, my life experiences, my curiousity, my cooking and so much more.   That's what I am focusing on ... big life lesson.

The New Year

I started the new year in the pool overlooking the sheer beauty of the Pacific Ocean and Costa Rica.  A flock of birds flew above my head in a concrted effort.  What do they know?  What have they seen?  Do they care where they are going or do they just flap their wings and go wherever they want to?  Are they truly free or is it simply an illusion?  

Regardless, it is absolutely breath taking here and I had a few minutes of quiet until the kids appeared.  It was fantastic to swim with one of them as she held my neck because she doesn't know how to swim.  Everyone has always told me that I would make a great mom.   Will I ever know if that's true?

Two of the four kids that are here are adopted.  One from Vietnam and the other from China.  They are carefree beautiful girls who are so full of spirit and life. 

 

There is no free lunch

One of the areas where I need to focus on this year is to plan some cool trips to places where I want to explore.   I am sitting on my bed in Costa Rica looking out at a magnificent view and promising myself that the next three days will be pure bliss.  My goal is to ignore the noise around me and simply enjoy the beauty of this heavenly place.

What do I need to ignore?  the fact that ...

• The people I am with create unnecessary drama.  It's a fact and there is not much I can do to change it apart from ignoring it.
• There is an extremely abusive man here who loves to be the center of attention and is an absolute Neanderthal in every possible way
• The arrogance of this man and his need to be in control
• I can do what I want to do and not feel any guilt
• I am seeing a woman in pain who doesn't want help and it's out of my control

My other big learning is a life lesson I was fully aware of for a long time: there is no free lunch.   Everything comes with strings. 

I ended up paying for this vacation and next time, I need to choose where I want to be.  I have the means.  I don't need to be lured by a private jet.  I have over a million freaking miles, I can go anywhere I want to.  That's why I work so hard.

New year, endless opportunity. Dare to be great.

Thanksgiving

I have a lot to be thankful for today, even though I do bitch and moan in my blog but hey, it's better to do it than keep it all inside.  And I am thankful I have a place where I can put down all my thoughts.   I want to some day be able to help a lot of people.  I feel that is part of my purpose in this world.  To help people who are not as fortunate as me.  I want to do so much more since I have seen the hope in the eyes of the kids who have nothing.

I am just thankful for ...

• My sanity and gift of thoughtfulness
• Lots and lots of common sense, enhanced by tons of life experience
• The gift of friendship -- I am blessed with wonderful and amazing people in my life
• Opportunities -- I have the ability to choose
• Freedom -- as I look at how crazy the world is getting, I feel blessed by the fact that I have the freedom to be me.  World events are getting crazy enough.  York University, where I did my undergrad, is now anti-semitic.  I was appalled to hear what is happening there and will consider withdrawing my degree if it turns out to be a university that does not like people like me.  I have the freedom and a voice.  I am lucky.  I just hope our world is one that does not accept intolerance and hatred
• If I ran the world, I would get rid of all borders.  I think there are people who enjoy complaining and hard times.  I just want peace and quiet

Here is two a year of tranquility, love and understanding.  Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

 Albert Schweitzer

So often time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key. The Eagles

Emotions have been raging the last few weeks and then I made the mistake of reading my horoscope, which probably applies to 10 million other people, who are all predicted to have a very lousy day.  So I just decided to amuse myself with it and move on.   I wonder when our society's obssession with horoscopes came about and how many people follow it religiously.

In a world where everyone is seeking answers, what role does a written blurb about our astrogolical sign that applies to millions of people do we follow?  

I know, for me, I let the noise in some times in my life and when I do, I have raging emotions.   When I feel centred and trust my gut (which is rather large these days), life is much simpler.

The past few months have been a rollercoaster of emotions that have revolved around:

• My job situation - you can change jobs but you are always there.  Working with psychotic men has finally caught up with me.   And it's quite alright that everyone sees them as psychotic and the havoc they create, but they are still in "power."  Maybe I feel guilty that I didn't do anything and now they are afflicting pain on others?   The machine keeps running ... so does it really matter?  I look around and what do I see?  The assholes of the world are still in charge and the world is silent. 
• People don't speak out about injustice.  The reason is that they look at it, see how ugly it is and simply move on.  No one wants to hear or know the truth because it is much easier to ignore it than deal with it.
• People lie all the time and no one calls them on it.
• We all seek happiness and joy and yet we are silent.  My generation lives a painful existence of shutting up and putting up.  They stay in bad relationships, they delay living their dreams for work and a stupid definition of success, they fear and they follow horoscopes because so many are simply scared of being bold and living and loving out loud.
• We believe we are free and yet we put ourselves in chains.  They are called social norms.  I remember that class is high school.  They are defined as what is right and wrong.  It's the barriers and lines that are given to us by the socialization process.
• and as we grow up, I try to rid myself of these chains.

What I am trying to get to now is if I could do anything, what would it be?

 

Getting back

The last two months are an absolute blur.  Between my sister's accident and recovery and the new job, I have been unable to write.  I am just praying she gets better soon.

I feel like I need to recharge my batteries.   I spent today organizing.   My bathroom is finally renovated and it was great to be able to set it up.  I no longer walk by it grimacing.  I waited seven years to do it since it was not the top priority with everything else that I had to take care of.   It's now complete and I smile when I walk by. 

It's always amazing to me that someone can transform a part of the house and make it look so great.  Most of the work I do does not have tangible results that I can see.

Then, there was the garage where the ugly cupboards were ripped out and I sat and sorted through boxes of stuff.   There were two that had been closed since I moved here in August 2003 and I was reunited with some of my books from my teenage days.  And, papers from when I was negotiating my divorce that brought back memories of foolish times.  It's amazing how much stuff I saved and how full my recycling bin is today.  I hope I can get it down the driveway tomorrow :-)

I found a paper I wrote in 1998 and it's amazing how much has changed as a result of devices, platforms and connectivity.    But people and human behavior have stayed absolutely the same.  Nothing seems to really change how people behave.