Pursuing Adventures

The clock keeps ticking

The big life lesson is that life continues to go by and it's up to each of us to make the most of our time, with whatever we enjoy rather than what is expected of us.

Today, my dad would have been 75.  What would that be like?  I would never know.  He left us at 54 and was not part of a significant part of my life and who I have become.  

For some reason, I am feeling it all right now.  Time to take control.

On June 8, 1980 an eight-year-old boy, Oron Yarden, was kidnapped at Savyon, near Tel Aviv. The kidnapper managed to elude the police and escape with the IL2 million ransom paid by the child's parents. Impassioned appeals by the prime minister, the chief rabbis, and others to the kidnapper to release the boy were of no avail; the decomposed body of the child was discovered buried in sand dunes near Netanya on June 30. He had been strangled to death shortly after the ransom was paid. A 33-year-old Netanya man was arrested shortly after the body was found,and was sentenced to life imprisonment plus 34 years.

never forget

Woke up this morning to a gloomy cloudy Sunday, after an amazing week of sunshine where I was indoors all week.   I drove to work in the dark at 3:00 am.   I am definitely feeling down today for many reasons.  One is recent disappointments I am feeling with two friends who I was really close to and have found myself in uncomfortable situations with recently.  And I wonder why friendships break down.   With close girl friends, the ones I really trust and open my heart to, it is so sad when we take a left turn. 

What they don't know is how I am questioning everything in my life right now and how I really need them on my side.  I simply don't have the energy with every other area of my life exploding in my face right now.   I am so tired right now and it's only morning.

I want to do something that makes a difference and on some days, I just want to pack it all in and go write about people and help.   I want to help.  I just watched a bunch of YouTube videos on the Holocaust since it's eve of remembrance day.  It could be the main reason I am sad.  I watched the awful stories with the photos of the starved victims and the bodies falling into mass open graves.   And then, Anne Frank's words are flashing on the screen.

And I turn on the news and I read an article about Africa that points to the fact that Zimbabwe is where it is today because of leadership or lack of it.  Autocracies continue to happen.  People continue to be persecuted and killed over ideology, religion and fundamentalism.  Of course, I am not comparing as there is no way to do so.  But human behavior has not changed and we must never forget and always find compassion.

That is why I am hurting over my two friends.  I feel they are so focused on themselves that they don't see how fragile and tired I am right now.  I just want peace and quiet.  If someone shows you who they are at work, how could you possibly believe they are someone else as a friend?

20 Years without my dad. RIP

The purpose of life is to matter; To count; To stand for something; To have it make some difference that we lived at all

Live each day to the fullest.  Get the most from each hour, each day, and each age of your life.  Then you can look forward with confidence and back without regrets.  Be yourself – but be your best self.

Dare to be different and follow your own star, and don’t be afraid to be happy.  Enjoy what is beautiful.  Love with all your heart and soul.  Believe that those you love, love you.  

Forget what you have done for your friends, and remember what they have done for you.  Disregard what the world owes you and concentrate on what you owe the world.

When you are faced with a decision, make that decision as wisely as possible – then forget it.  The moment of absolute certainty never arrives.

—The Talmud

Thinking about my dad

This was read at his funereal:

For everything there is a season,

And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.

A rant on what's perceived as "right"

So, why is it that we have to manage our time?  And why do we have a concept that tells us not to waste our time?  How many times have you heard the expression: "there are only so many hours in the day?" and it always has a negative undertone with it.

Fact.  Time goes by quickly.  We celebrate anniversaries of time with holidays or celebrations - age, marriage (some of us like me also celebrate, divorce), death and every other significant "event."  Our life is a series of events.

When we start going to school, we start learning about the rules.  We are promised utopia for what happens if we pursue a good education and a lot more bullshit.  We are given home-work that we do outside the day of learning so we can expand our minds and also, that we learn the importance of discipline.  Lesson #1 - Rules and discipline are good.  Lesson #2: Never waste your time. And, so it goes ... 

Does anyone else apart from me realize how ridiculous this is?  We are teaching people to follow rules and conform.  That is what has been rewarded up to now.

If we stop to breath and think there are so many hours in the day AND what can I do today that brings me joy and a feeling of fulfilment, what changes would each of us make?

Just saying ...

In Memory: A Celebration of Life

My entire face hurts from crying.  Today, tears just came out with no control.  I tried to keep with the celebration of life for Jhkumi but it was the most amazing memorial I have ever experienced.  I had no control.  I was just there in the moment taking it all in.

In June 2007, Jhkumi sat down and wrote what she wanted to happen today.  She wrote the material and assigned poems and music to different people in her life, even her fellow camp counselors who made us all sing a song about a frog.  She was 31 when cancer took her.  And in the letter she wrote for today's event, she said that she wasn't ready to die.  She already bought all the books she wanted to read to her children and toys that she thinks are appropriate.  There is more that she wanted to do in her work as a scholar and educator.  And although she has traveled the world in her quest to save humans and animals, there was a long list of places she wanted to visit, including living in Jerusalem.  Her husband is a sabra. He spoke at the end and his loss cannot be described in words.

She told us that we shouldn't be at peace since she is not.  

I can't imagine planning my service and can't even imagine who would show up.  I lost touch with different decades of my life and can't even name my teachers from all the schools I attended.  Jhkumi created a community in her life time and people from her life were there to celebrate.

What touched me most is that here was a person who had dreams to change the world.  She was definitely a leader in education and had a love of animals and the earth.  She did something about everything.  She had dreams of being in government and driving policies toward science education in the schools.  Her students were there today putting on a skit of how she impacted their lives.  I just sat there in awe amazed at how much one woman was able to accomplish in a short time.  It was sad but also inspiring.  This was a woman who through her actions worked all the time at what she believed in.

And luckily, found time to love.  This love story is also a loss.   My friend not only buried his only daughter but will never see future generations.  Jhukmi's husband married her when she was already diagnosed with cancer.  They fought it together.  

It was inspiring.  I want to do more.  My non profit work has been less than rewarding.  I think I just need to do more where I am in contact with people who need help; not in the management ranks but real people.

We must stop this insanity

As many Americans are getting ready for Thanksgiving, I am glued to the TV watching the horrific news from Mumbai just praying that this will be over already.  People are still being held hostage and dying.  I have enough trouble with war where soldiers fight soldiers ... but killing innocent and defenseless people is absolutely appalling.  It has always been and continues to be so senseless.

I grew up with it.   My first memory in life is war.  Being able to leave the bomb shelter when I was 3 and playing on the lawn of our apartment with my Barbies.  Then, the sirens would start and I was back in the bomb shelter.  I remember so much about it.  I grew up with terrorism. 

When I was 7 there were death threats against my family because of the job my dad had.  My sister and I went to school with a bodyguard.   The other parents didn't want us in their school because we posed a threat to their children.   I can fill pages of my memories of terrorist attacks that were close to home from my teenage years to my time living in downtown Jerusalem when I was in grad school.

And now, I sit in the comfort of my living room cooking potatoes for Thanksgiving and getting ready to head to Sheila's and I feel so sad.  I've been crying.  This is just awful that anyone is going through this.  It is organized and people were caught unprepared.  They were having dinner and drinks.  Their crimes were being American, British, Jewish, western, well to do ... why else would they hit 5 star hotels?

I am afraid that this is just the beginning.   I want peace.  I want no more poverty.  I want to see a world where we build and create.  I want it with all my heart.  But I doubt I will see it in my life time.  I want to see teens seeing Slumdog Millionaire rather than seeing Twilight five times.  Their parents facilitate them seeing Twilight over and over but stop them from seeing real movies that deal with serious life issues.  So they can recognize how good they have it and try to make the world better.  I am always happy to hear when young people want to make a difference and have an impact.

CNN is still blasting away with news.   While I have been writing this, I have missed over 800 tweets and retweets.  I pray for all the victims and their families.  May you need see any more evil and sadness.  Hugs to everyone.

Amen

I picked up the mail today and I started crying when I got a card from Leah's dad thanking me for the donation I made.  I felt sad that this man who lost his wife so suddenly took the time to write me such a beautiful card and thank me.  

It made me realize, yet once again, <sigh> how precious life is and why we can't take anything to heart from people we don't respect. 

Friends make the world go round

I need to write quickly since I have to jump in the shower and head to the office for an all day meeting.  Last night I had a drink with a friend I haven't seen in a long time.   If I didn't have to go to a work dinner, we would have sat there all night and talked.   It was really great to see her and many of the issues we talked about were around learnings we've had recently.   We worked together both in Asia and the US so we have some shared history.  She moved here from Australia and got her green card a lot faster than me.

After 10 years with the company, she took a leave.  The timing was perfect.  Not because she got to rest and reflect.  But because her mom died suddenly and she ended up spending a month in Australia with her siblings dealing with it all.   We both agreed that if she had been in her job, she would have luckily had a week to grieve her loss.  This way she was able to take the time she needed and feel.   Isn't it strange how life works?   

I don't have the time I want right now to write.  But the bottom line is that we talked a lot about changing priorities in our lives.  How we no longer give people power they don't deserve.  I can't wait to see her again and continue our conversation.

I have had a lot of realizations this week about patterns in my life but it will have to wait until the next blog so stay tuned :-)

Aging

Sitting here looking at this blank page and just breathing.   I had a conversation with a colleague yesterday about how we all thought getting older would be just about our bodies changing.  But in reality, it is about dealing with our emotions as we deal with more illness and deaths.   It's so ironic.

I saw the obituary at 4 am and read through the guest book and just felt an utter emptiness.  Life is for the living and I am just going to do my best to focus on the good and ignore the pricks.   Hopefully, that is possible?

Shock and sadness - why does it have to be so sudden?

I am really sad.  On my way home from Chicago on Sunday, I received an email from Leah

bad news...my mother is in the hospital, unconscious, and it is not looking good. She was walking with one of my nieces, fell, and at first they only saw that her heart had stopped...now it seems she broke a vertebra in her neck, and has had her brain deprived of oxygen. They don’t expect her to live very long ...

I had to read it twice for it to even register.   I immediately called to see if there was anything I can do to help.  Leah is one of the most even keel women I know but I could hear the pain in her voice.  I didn't start to really cry until I put down the phone and headed to board my flight.  I was in a sea of strangers with tears rolling down my face but no one cared.  I knew what sudden death was all about.  My dad was there in the morning and gone in the afternoon, with no real notice.  He actually called me at work and I was too busy to talk to him.  I never got that chance.  A life long lesson on priorities - work or life?

All I could think at the time was that this wasn't real.  This wasn't happening.  I just spent some time with Leah and her mom in Barcelona this summer.  A lot of fun time.  Her mom was making beautiful packages of Spanish salt as gifts for her friends.  She kept telling her group of friends how much she loved the salt in Barcelona and was making sure she was bringing it back for them to experience.  I marveled at her talent of taking a big bag of salt and transforming it into a charming gift in little individual bags with beautiful labels.  It looked store bought.  And she was having a great time making them; a labor of love. We had a lot of fun times that are replaying over and over in my head.

I have been trying to focus since I got the news but I have been hoping that Leah got to Toronto in time and saw her mom.  Maybe her mom is actually ok?  My brain was spinning and my heart was hoping.  When I was in Barcelona for Rosh Hashanah, Leah's mom was helping us make the chalah.  I wished her a sweet new year.  And now this?  Why?  Why are so many good people taken away too early?  Life is definitely not fair.

And last night, I got the news.  She passed away yesterday.  I am so sad.  If I wasn't heading to Geneva for the summit, I'd go to Toronto for the shiva and to give my mom a huge hug.

Life is so precious.  Let's all make the most of it and disregard the bullshit.

First News on Twitter

I am starting to get my news first from Twitter.  Yesterday I woke up to find out that Bernie Mac died at 50, which was a real shock.   There are so many daily reminders of how short and precious our lives are and they keep coming at a furious pace these days. 

Today, I found out, when I woke up, that a propane plant exploded in Toronto and that people were being evacuated.  I immediately checked local newspapers for the exact location and realized it was close to where I went to school but far from my mom.   I had to tell her about it since she had not watched the local news this morning.  This photo is from photojunkie.ca

I realized today that I need a real vacation.  The trip to Cabo was great but I still got work calls and conference calls while I was there.  I need 10-14 days just to myself without any work interruptions whatsoever.   A real vacation to me would mean getting away from everything and figuring out where I want to be.  Living a healthy lifestyle of moving my body and filling my spirit.   For the past 5 years most of my vacations have been add ons to business trips.  Some have been wonderful but they haven't given me the time I need to recharge my batteries.

Ok.  Time to shower and go meet some great friends for a much needed walk.

You can follow me at htpp://twitter.com/adventurist and I will do the same

Remembering Tom; Young@Heart

I am finding myself crying quite a bit lately.  I feel this awful loss with Tom.   There have been so many times where I wanted to talk to him and it has hit me over and over that he is gone.  I was expecting him to be around for a very long time.

I was crying my eyes out yesterday on the plane when I was watching Young@Heart (http://www.youngatheartchorus.com/),a documentary about a chorus of people between 70-90+.  It was so inspiring.  I recommend it as a must see.   These people show us how age is a mindset and what is possible.  And it also reminds me of the importance of having a community of people who care.  I so enjoyed the variety of their songs from punk to good old rock and roll. 

Here is an email from Tom from exactly 1 year ago ...

ILET - I am OK - Thanks for calling - I have been both exhausted and depressed beyond words and sleeping a ton - Everything is cool as far as the recovery - Slow ....Painfully slow...Let me know when you'll be back in town and we'll tawk....Hope you are well - Take care Tom

PS - This picture was right after I got out - I have a little more hair
these days.....

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do
nothing" --Edmund Burke

Strong women: endings and beginnings

I was driving to campus and got here super early because there is no traffic.  I guess the price of fuel is changing driving habits and its evident or everyone is on a summer vacation ... in their backyard!  The staycation ...

I tried to catch up with some friends on the drive.  And it hit me, I can't call Tom.  Today would have been a perfect time to catch up with him and see how he was feeling.  But he is gone and it's so hard to accept it.  I have become teary eyed quite a bit this week and it hits me at very odd times. 

I was at a session at BlogHer discussing social change and there were these two amazing women there who everyone except for me knew.  They started a moms with cancer blog and are so inspiring.  When I asked them what they saw as success for what they were trying to do, they defined it as awareness and support for other moms and sustainability.  "We keep losing members," they said.  "We are now down to 19 from 20 and what happens if one of us needs to go back to chemo?"  It's their raw reality and it made me have tears streaming down my face.   I wish that there was a way I could help.