Reading some of my old posts is fascinating and I find it so healthy to go back and learn about myself. I can see things today that were weighing me down before.
It has now been a year since I quit my job and 9 months since it has been official. I have spent this time:
Healing - both physically and emotionally
Failing fast at a start-up with crazy founders
Enjoying time with friends
Being lost for a bit
Feeling disgusted with how big business works
Realizing that all I want is a way to make a living so I can write
Learning that I need help in getting my body back and that it takes hard work
Yesterday I went to the last Oakland Speaker Series to hear Ted Koppel speak. I missed a lot of the lectures this year because my monthly meetings happen during the first Tuesday of every month. I am glad I made it yesterday and it is the journalist versus new media debate. It is interesting that every speaker I've heard this year has a message for the American public. And I bet that I will be criticized for writing this blog post as I am not a professional journalist :-) These are just my ramblings anyhow. And my dream of being a journalist never materialized so I am grateful to social media.
Ted Koppel started with his Epstein Fart story, which made everyone laugh and I think was simply an icebreaker to connect with the packed theatre. I am not quite sure how it otherwise related to his talk. He is a fantastic speaker and I can listen to his voice for hours. I was also impressed with how great he looks. I learned that his parents fled Nazi Germany and that he became an American citizen in 1963.
What did Ted Koppel share?
His main theme was that the changes we have witnessed in Television news are both technological and economical. Journalists, in the past, were obligated to put news into context and provide analysis. What the public received was information with importance based on events. Today, this has shifted to the news media need to "being first" with a story. Being most recent has become more significant than "important" news.
According to Koppel, one of the worst developments for news happened in 1968 with 60 Minutes. Why? Because it made money and shifted the economic model of network news. Now, TV news was expected to make a profit. In the past, the news department would get a fixed budget that it needed to work within. "It allowed us the freedom to serve a purpose."
"They gave the news division a few million dollars a year and said, here it is. Go do whatever it is
you people do, and do not come back for any more money." But during the 1970s, when CBS's
"60 Minutes" showed that a news division could rake in big bucks, ABC
began itching to broaden its news coverage.
ABC wanted to expand the evening
news program to one hour, Koppel said, but the network's affiliates were
making too much money to give back the time slot. What he valued about the pre-60 Minutes days is that when he was working for a major news outlet, there was always a producer or editor who checked his work to make sure the facts were right. This is not the case with most citizen journalists who publish their un-vetted work online. "In the final analysis," Koppel
said, "the most important thing about journalism is editing."
So What Really Changed?
Journalists, according to Koppel, gave us the kind of news they felt the public needed. There used to be a feeling of mission. The tech explosion also changed the face of news. There is no government regulations with bloggers. What we are getting is Tiger Woods and frivolous information, as long as we are first to report it.
Ted Koppel asked the audience: why are we in Afghanistan? Someone from the audience, yelled "oil." His point was well taken, it's not about what the media has been communicating. Most people are unaware of the geographical positioning of Afghanistan and its proximity to the nuclear challenge and associate the US presence solely on the terrorist threat.
In 20 years, the US will be faced with a $34 trillion deficit. All entitlements will come due. We live in a country where we are all entitled to housing and a mortgage. And we have lived beyond our capabilities. According to Koppel. 34% of Americans believe the Bush administration knew about 9/11.
"Fox is doing brilliantly giving an echo chamber effect. We all need to listen to what's going on in this country and opposing views. What is being preached are hateful disgusting messages on the right and left. There are no accountabilities any more."
There is less interest in reporting today and more focus on keeping the public entertained. "Don't be surprised if Sarah Palin runs in the next elections and even becomes President." The medium is allowing the voices of the fringe and extremists to take centre stage. Koppel would like us to be aware of what Fox is showing so we can speak out. "NPR has good news stories. It is linked to the facts and the truth." Support the news organizations that still care about the core of journalism.
So What's My Reaction as A Citizen Journalist (couldn't resist)?
I wrote my Master's thesis on the impact of television on the American political system so listening to Ted Koppel firsthand was a gift. I agree with much of what he said as the commercialization of the news did put into question the authenticity of the news. It drives me crazy when CNN tells us that "they were first on the story." And when no one still knew about Twitter, CNN would report on what was going on Twitter. I found this absolutely ridiculous. I can go on my own directly on Twitter and what I was finding that I usually knew about what was going on (Iran, earthquakes, crashes in the Hudson, etc.) on Twitter. Not only because of other citizens of the world but because I also follow NPR, BBC, WSJ and other sources I find "trustworthy."
It's not an either or. It's a combination. The internet is not evil. It is just a reflection of the world in which we live. What does not change is human behavior. Hitler rose to power, not because of the Internet. Sarah Palin knows how to work public opinion and human behavior. Extremists have existed for generations and quite frankly, throughout history. The fringes on both sides of the equation are not a US occurrence. It is worldwide and it is deepening and scary.
Social media is not to blame. We've shifted from a patriach model of getting information from the church and government to news outlets. And now, citizens have a voice. It brings the good and bad of humanity into the open. Is that all bad?
Last night I went to hear Jeannette Walls speak. I didn't know what to expect. It was at a country club down the street from me that I didn't even know existed. There were 300 people there; mostly women with a few men sprinkled in to the crowd. I was with some type A personalities so we were able to sit in the second row and have some decent wine as we waited.
I have to say that it was a great talk and I found myself grabbing a pen and taking notes so I can capture it here:
My fantasy was always that a rich kid would read my story and as a result be nicer to the poor kids in the class. I had a girl tell me that while she was on vacation in the Bahamas (laughter), she read my book and it made her realize how fortunate she was and how some of the girls who don't dress well may just not have the means to do so. I feel like my fantasy became a reality.
I learned not to underestimate people's ability to offer something and I am now on a campaign to have people tell their stories. Even if it's just coming to terms with your own story - just for yourself. We tell our stories so people can see how similar we are -- maybe we can actually learn something from it without having to live through the pain of it? At the end, life is what you choose to make it as you shape it and choose to see it.
There are as many reasons for homelessness and you can't put all the circumstances in one box. My mom told me that things work out in the end. And when I asked her what if they don't, she told me "then you're not at the end yet."
People don't want charity. They want to help themselves. If you allow them to feel they can contribute, they will more likely accept your help.
We are all strong. I just had the opportunity of having a really crappy childhood to prove it.
When someone told me about Outward Bound, I thought that rich people have to pay for their hardship. They didn't have to face the adversity in their day-to-day life and learn how to navigate the obstacles.
Don't forget that you have the power to overcome adversity, even if you have to pay for it!!!
Don't ever apologize for your scars. It just shows that you survived. We all have texture, which makes you strong and unique.
October 11, 2009
Do you ever think about what you were doing one year from today and what has happened since that day? I want to blog more since it helps remind me what I was up to ... and where I am today.
I got home from London last night and I am just doing NOTHING. Yes, the laundry is going and I have to put my stuff back "in place" but I am just watching silly movies and breathing ... again. It's good to be home. It has been a crazy week.
I've been wanting to write since Friday since so much has been going on. It's ironic that when I am busy and happy, I have a challenging time to make the time to blog. But when I am pensive and reflective in my "slower" days, I can fill this blank space for hours. I am sure there are many studies and statics on this. But my truth is that this happens to me. I will be writing in my head and putting it down here does not always materialize.
Working with a non-profit has helped me learn about the 'bottom of the pyramid' and the astounding poverty that exists in our world. This terms refers to the four billion people who live on less than $2 per day, in developing countries.
The power of social networking is demonstrated today with it being Blog Action Day, a day where thousand of bloggers are sharing their thoughts on poverty.
Research continues to show that so many people are living in poverty and the gap between the rich and the poor continues to widen.
Almost half the world — over 3 billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day.
The
GDP (Gross Domestic Product) of the 41 Heavily Indebted Poor Countries
(567 million people) is less than the wealth of the world’s 7 richest
people combined.
Nearly a billion people entered the 21st century unable to read a book or sign their names.
Less
than one per cent of what the world spent every year on weapons was
needed to put every child into school by the year 2000 and yet it
didn’t happen.
1 billion children live in poverty (1 in 2
children in the world). 640 million live without adequate shelter, 400
million have no access to safe water, 270 million have no access to
health services. 10.6 million died in 2003 before they reached the age
of 5 (or roughly 29,000 children per day).
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Heifer International is a nonprofit charitable organization based in Little
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sustainable agriculture, to financially-disadvantaged families around
the world
Some
times we plan a lot and then look for whatever it was and some times, life just
happens. A really wonderful friend sent me an invite with a
limited time offer to join her and other women in Chicago for the National Women’s
Leadership Issues Conferencetaking place on Friday and Saturday.
Even though I just got home on Sunday night, I am now finishing my laundry and packing up to leave for Chicago soon. I will have to do a lot of atoning next Yom Kippur because I totally screwed this one up. Luckily, I am not very religious but traditions are very important to me.
The agenda looks amazing and I am so interested to hear and blog about what I learn over these two days. I can't vote but I want to be able to bring the messages back to my community. I think this is such an important time for the world and getting the right person to lead is critical. For me, it's about getting someone who can bring together a machine behind them that can really drive change and save America's standing in the world. I wish it was Hillary. But, we all need to deal with the reality in front of us.
I woke up at 3 am and blogged about the awful pain I was feeling in my shoulder and ribs. The whole world seemed bleak as hell at that point. I wrote and wrote about my pain. And then, I clicked publish and my post vanished ... never making it to prime time. Maybe it was for the best since I was whining quite a bit?
I felt so absolutely helpless and alone. I can't really explain it apart from saying that it was like being in a very dark place.
Yesterday, a friend of Leah's showed up on his way to Israel for Rosh Hashanah. He pulled out a guitar and started singing on the patio. It was a gorgeous day out and it felt great to be outside with some live music. He has a wonderful voice and is a very passionate singer.
I can't remember what he was singing but it did make me think.
What is freedom?
We sing about it
Dream about it
Wish for it
Yet, rarely do we live a life of being free
The chains bind us
And yet, they are not real
They are self imposed
These chains are usually only in our own mind
Expectations often become a prison of disappointments
And some of us are lucky enough to realize it before we reach old age
There are so many people around me who fear too much
Give their power away
Even those who now sing about freedom and believe they are free of the rules that everyone else abides to, have their hang ups that control them
I love my data card cause I can be online any where ... kind of scary. I only have a few minutes before I need to shut down.
I am excited. This past week has been a total turning point. I went through my last obstacle and passed with flying colors. I didn't get bummed out by the assholes but ignored them. It has been a life time of lessons that proved that I was strong. What a fantastic feeling.
And now, I am on my way to give a presentation on social networking, which is so exciting. I feel like my new life that I had envisioned is starting. Whatever happened is all goodness.
Taking a week vacation is also making me relax. I brought a book so will decide where I want to explore.
Ok ... time to shut down ... more from the journey!
I've started reading Jeff Pulver's blog in the past few months and have to say that I am really enjoying his insights and reflections. I recently was struck by one called Sometimes you need to Listen to Yourself (and NOT your friends). The essence of the post, for me, was that often we need to trust our gut. Our friends have great intentions but only we know what is in our hearts. Friends often help with our blind spots but often:
"There are times when you ask people for advice, instead of putting
themselves in your place, often the people you ask look at things from
their own personal perspective and that perspective guides their
advice. In other words, there are times the people you go to will tell
you what they would do, not necessarily what you need to do or not do.
We need to keep in mind that the risk tolerance and safety nets of our
friends are not always the same as own."
I know this is true around relationships. Too often, friends and family will tell you AFTER the break up or melt down how much they didn't care for the guy you were with and how they knew it wouldn't work out. Luckily, I am not in a relationship right now! But I have a friend who is in a destructive relationship and I am seeing less of her right know because I want to kick her man in the balls for being such an asshole.
Luckily, I have great friends who can put themselves in my shoes. But, I also have come to learn what makes me happiest and following my own drum is part of my journey.
Yesterday, I mentioned this blog to a friend. And her response really pissed me off because I don't expect my friends to read my blog. It's totally up to them. I love it when, with some friends, we can talk about what I wrote or when they comment. It means a lot if they do but I know that people use the Internet differently.
So what pissed me off? That she said: " you know, I just don't read your blog. It's just not for me." Blogging is part of my life. It's not something that I consciously do. I have been keeping a journal on and off since I was 7 years old. Having lived in different places, my journal was a constant friend.
I decided to make my blog public 4 months ago after going to a conference about Inventing Your Future where I attended a lunch session on writing a book. The speaker told us about some very impactful stories of how someone shared their story in a book and ended up helping other people through their stories. While I'd love to write books, like millions of other people who share this fantasy, I am sharing my stories in this blog in the hope that I may help other people and maybe even start a dialogue with some of you so we can help each other.
My perspective is that life is all about learning. We all end up in the same place so it really is about our journey. We don't learn this early on in life. We get our heads filled with crap about what success is and we start to chase the dreams we are told should fulfill us. So here I am today, unlearning and redefining my dreams and passions. It's not easy but my journey. I am constantly in conversations with people who expect me to be dating right now and I have stopped defending my choices. I am stopping to breath right now and explore. So I appreciate any one who comes to my blog, reads and hopefully, returns to share their perspectives. I am in no rush and know that in 12-18 months, I will expand my readership with likeminded people. I don't really want a friend to feel "they have to" read my blog. I just don't expect it and will not mention it again to this friend. That is sad because she will miss out on part of my life. Her loss!
I am getting ready to check out and head home. It's been an amazing few days. I will blog (aka write) more about BlogHer08 another time. I want to do a summary of my key learnings and observations as a way to capture it. But right now, my head is spinning.
I attended a number of sessions with people who do good in the world for many reasons. It has been so inspiring and eye opening. It made me feel like I don't do enough and want to do so much more to make positive change in the world. It actually made me think of how I can pursue a life long dream by leveraging the Internet. I scribbled down a bunch of notes about it and need to think it through more and just DO IT!
Last week, I went to see a screening of August, a new film about the bubble bursting in 2001. It focuses on the start-up hype and captures that period in time really well. What made the movie special was seeing it with some great friends. We went for dinner before and I was forever grateful they put up with my coughing and blowing my nose. It was the first time I went out in public since I got bronchitis.
I was asked at dinner when I am finally going to start my non-profit. I answered that I have to pay my mortgage. And then, I was challenged: "do you need to live where you do?" Hmmm ... interesting question. I often asked myself the same question since the divorce, especially when I came back from a trip in Johannesburg where I saw the conditions that people lived in. I initially felt a sense of huge guilt because I just saw 100 people sharing one bathroom and I met two adorable children who showed me where they lived with 6 other family members. I don't even know what to call it as it wasn't even a shack. And today, I caught the end of a news clip about a family that is selling their 6,500 ft house and scaling back. They were donating $600,000 somewhere in Africa to build schools and healthcare. It was a family decision. WOW is all I can say. Personally, I can't afford to do that right now. But how inspiring.
So the simple answer is I love where I am living. It provides me with tranquility and sanity and I am too selfish to give it up right now. My big learning is that before I can help others, I need to take care of myself. I know I will get there but my house is non-negotiable right now.
What is possible is taking my energy to start my special project online some time soon ... stay tuned.
I'm breathing again. I have been writing in my head for 3 days and just didn't get a chance to sit down in front of my PC. I was too busy living :-) I am glad today is a lazy Sunday and I am slowly cleaning up after the party. It's not that hard since I had so much help. But there is also no rush.
The heat is finally back in full force. I am looking forward to jumping into the pool and just relaxing. I never ended up going into the water yesterday even though I really wanted to.
Just clicked on a link from Twitter and got to this very sad story and reality check ...
If you take anything away from reading my blog, please, take this: In the blink of an eye, almost everything you think is important in life can become meaningless and stupid. If you aren’t in this position, be grateful, know that you are dearly blessed and pray it doesn’t happen to you. Be mindful of focussing too much on things that aren’t important - when it comes down to it, your family is all that really matters. Don’t be like me and require your child’s life to be at risk to realize it. The self-loathing, self-pity and self-judgement really isn’t worth it.
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