Her: "2011 was a really terrible year. It has to get better."
Me; "yeah, it was pretty rough and hopefully, we will start seeing some changes."
Her: "You are so lucky you don't have kids. You have no idea how much I worry about their future."
How dare anyone say this to me? It infuriates me. It's not like I made a conscious choice not to have kids. And I worry about the future of billions regardless if they are biologically mine.
I can't stand when people who have kids tell me how lucky I am ... people have no clue what other people feel and go through.
One of the areas where I need to focus on this year is to plan some cool trips to places where I want to explore. I am sitting on my bed in Costa Rica looking out at a magnificent view and promising myself that the next three days will be pure bliss. My goal is to ignore the noise around me and simply enjoy the beauty of this heavenly place.
What do I need to ignore? the fact that ...
The people I am with create unnecessary drama. It's a fact and there is not much I can do to change it apart from ignoring it.
There is an extremely abusive man here who loves to be the center of attention and is an absolute Neanderthal in every possible way
The arrogance of this man and his need to be in control
I can do what I want to do and not feel any guilt
I am seeing a woman in pain who doesn't want help and it's out of my control
My other big learning is a life lesson I was fully aware of for a long time: there is no free lunch. Everything comes with strings.
I ended up paying for this vacation and next time, I need to choose where I want to be. I have the means. I don't need to be lured by a private jet. I have over a million freaking miles, I can go anywhere I want to. That's why I work so hard.
I woke up and saw that the property management people were here before 8:00 am. I thought: "what now?" I went downstairs and was told "We were robbed last night." Apparently, we were also careless and slept with our doors wide open inviting thieves to come and take what they wanted. Do we not lock our doors at home? Why would we expect another standard when we are on vacation in another country? And I hate it when I hear, "it's the developing world?" Is there no crime in the US? When does common sense prevail?
Apparently two men pulled a gun on the old man guarding the place and tied him up with shoe laces. For his defense, he was armed with pepper spray, which was out powered with a gun to his head. They came in through the back, grabbed any Apple product that came in their way and left. Our friend was in bed sleeping and she didn't feel some one on her bed swiping her iPAD. It was either her or her husband who left their bedroom door wide open and also their safe.
Was it an inside job? They targeted three villas and someone knew that the regular guard was being replaced with an old man. We will never know.
I was just relieved that the only thing they stole was stuff that could be replaced and did not harm anyone.
I realized that my reading glasses were also missing. I was confused about why anyone would want my prescription glasses. And the Neanderthal man informed me that he was on the couch so they could not have been inside. We later learned that he was passed out on the couch and they made it around him to steal the iPOD and they took my glasses because they must have thought it was a camera ... they were lured by the case. They were after technology and cash.
Luckily, I was up in my room and have been very aware of my surroundings.
The drama that ensued was exhausting as we had to convince the property managers (who may I say are entirely clueless) that we need a security force to protect our safety.
But I did see clearly that the arrogant American man was responsible for a great deal of this. He has been prancing around town and truly portraying and living up to the stereotype of the ugly American with his Panama hat and Bermuda shorts.
It is the end of 2010 with all its drama. Here is to a wonderful 2011 ...
I have a lot to be thankful for today, even though I do bitch and moan in my blog but hey, it's better to do it than keep it all inside. And I am thankful I have a place where I can put down all my thoughts. I want to some day be able to help a lot of people. I feel that is part of my purpose in this world. To help people who are not as fortunate as me. I want to do so much more since I have seen the hope in the eyes of the kids who have nothing.
I am just thankful for ...
My sanity and gift of thoughtfulness
Lots and lots of common sense, enhanced by tons of life experience
The gift of friendship -- I am blessed with wonderful and amazing people in my life
Opportunities -- I have the ability to choose
Freedom -- as I look at how crazy the world is getting, I feel blessed by the fact that I have the freedom to be me. World events are getting crazy enough. York University, where I did my undergrad, is now anti-semitic. I was appalled to hear what is happening there and will consider withdrawing my degree if it turns out to be a university that does not like people like me. I have the freedom and a voice. I am lucky. I just hope our world is one that does not accept intolerance and hatred
If I ran the world, I would get rid of all borders. I think there are people who enjoy complaining and hard times. I just want peace and quiet
Here is two a year of tranquility, love and understanding. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
One of the reasons I loved my Kindle was the convenience of not carrying heavy books when I travel and to be perfectly honest, the ability to make the fonts larger. So when I dropped it right before my trip, I was mortified. It transformed itself into a useless device.
I was in the midst of reading The Help and was really enjoying it. When I got to the airport, I went to pick up a copy before I went through security. They were sold out. Yikes!
My flight was delayed so the airport was fairly empty. When I went to security, there was a group of 7 TSA agents waiting. They told me they are doing a new test and need to swab my palms with this puffy thing. One guy swabs and 6 watch. Bizarre. Apparently, my palms were fine.
As soon as I dress myself again and put all my crap away, I head to the bookstore and there is the book, waiting for me. Success. But what chapter was I at? i didn't pay attention since I kept clicking. I forgot how much I missed holding a beautiful, thick book. I managed to find my place and realize I was half way through the book. Who knew?
I will be honest that I will be getting an IPad - I do like making fonts bigger than wearing glasses.
And then at passport control, I was watching a scene that I found very disturbing. I had just watched Invictus on the plane and read a bit more from The Help. And here, in 2010 in London Heathrow, I am watching a very irate immigration agent belittle this man. "How long are you staying in London?" I couldn't hear what the man said but the agent barked back at him: "Then just put it down there, mate." He was angry and belligerent and I felt like walking up there and giving him a piece of my mind. But I was trying to get in the country and I did nothing except feel the anger spread throughout my body.
"So, why are you staying here until June 15th?" he taps his fingers in the guy's face. Again, I can't hear what the man is replying. But then the officer's demeanor changes and I hear him saying in a softer voice: "Oh, so you will be tidying the place up for when they arrive from Nigeria." I can't bear to continue but racism is alive disheartening.
And I must say, I love the courage of the women in The Help who want to speak out about what it was like to take care of the white families. Some of the passages are heart breaking as they point to the ignorance of the people who employ these amazing women. It's about fear again.
So happy to be back home but having a rough week. I am not sure if I am PMDDing or just experiencing massive disappointment from what I experienced last week. I had a friend tell me that they've lost part of their humanity to their job. This made me so sad but I also understand it. People who have high ethical standards often struggle with the raging egos in the corporate world. And as another friend on the east coast told me yesterday, some people are struggling with their shift from old word "success" to seeking fulfillment.
And here I am awake at 2:41 am feeling unsettled. I love being home in my own bed but I am feeling very isolated and alone. More alone than I have felt in a very long time. And with what I experienced last Thursday night, I find myself a bit speechless, which is so rare for me. Why do we accept people behaving badly? Why do people just follow and not speak out? What are we so scared of?
I think I've been scared to write. To put my thoughts down right now may scare you. My mind has been going in a million directions and I feel like on some days, all I do is sit and try not to think.
When we are kids, we speak our minds. A five year old can innocently tell a woman, "you have a moustache" and not understand that speaking the obvious may get her in trouble with her parents, who tell her that it is not nice to point that out to a woman. Soon, she will be taught what is "right" and what is "wrong."
And because of those very lessons, she will grow up believing that everyone follows the same rules. That right and wrong exists. But that is not the "truth."
The world would be so different if we all got along. But because of human qualities like fear and greed, there is so much misunderstanding. People get jealous of others and want to see them fail. Whatever failure means in the rules of their own world. Why can't we all just get along? Why is there so much hatred?
Ironically, there are wars amongst nations but even in day to day living, there are friends we learn we can't rely on. We learn that they never think of the implications of their actions and that they are hurting you. Why? Because they are so busy just seeing life from their own perspective. While you lie there at night feeling hurt, they don't even give you a second thought.
It's hard to know where to start. It's been an eventful week with many highs and lows. I met some incredible people and had some great experiences. I am going to focus on that part of the week instead of the insecure, draining egos.
I am enjoying my espresso and looking out on to Lake Geneva while the sun starts coming out. They changes the clocks at 3 am and I was up at 4 am. I had a call with Dubai and then fell back asleep for a few hours. I am just waking up now with some fresh crisp air coming in through the open door. I was pleasantly surprised by the Hotel de la Paix. When I checked in, I asked if it was possible to get a lake view room. The woman looked at me and said that I paid for a Garden View, which was very true. I left my bags with them and went to explore the city. When I came back after dinner, I was in this unbelievably gorgeous room overlooking the lake with a patio. It was like a dream and I have really been enjoying it.
I am not sure I am ready to go back tomorrow. Not so much because I miss being home but because of dealing with the bullshit with these people. If I had any respect for the two guys, I now have absolutely none. They are pure shells. One day UJ got angry at me when we were having breakfast. I am not sure why but in the middle of a discussion, he raised his voice and snapped at me. Later, he apologized and said his email crashed so he was in a bad mood and he has a tough time understanding me because I am so negative. I am not sure where that came from but it was pure projection. I am so done with him even though he tried to apologize. I totally believe he does not have an ounce of sincerity.
Then, his buddy would walk up to people I'd be in the midst of a conversation and just started talking to them; totally ignoring the fact that he interrupted a conversation. One guy came to "save" me when it happened the third time. We had a laugh about it. People do see what is going on. I am done with him too. I wish I could write more but I just can't yet. But they both played really stupid moves as I will not be a cheerleader. Quite the contrary, to say the least.
The good news is that despite these silly occurrences, the rest has been wonderful. Great people. Great place and many laughs. I have so many great stories people shared with me. But I need to get ready for my brunch with a colleague and his wife.
I have come to realize that I have many passions in life; some old and true and some new and being trialled. One of those is my love of film. I know some people who may say on a beautiful, sunny day: "I can't sit inside in the dark on such a day." And while one of my passions is a beautiful day, I can watch a good movie any where, any time. It's mostly the story telling and the ability to capture an event from life that involves really interesting people and situations. I love it when I am able to just be part of the experience and taken away from the dark movie theatre.
Yesterday I watched Brothers, a Dutch movie by Susanne Bier that chilled me to my bones. The movie is about two brothers; one portrayed as good and the other, bad. Michael is a family man with 2 beautiful daughters and wife who has a happy relationships with his parents. Jannick is the drifter brother who gets drunk often and has a terrible relationship with his father who is disappointed in him. Michael is a major in the army and there is a family dinner before he leaves for Afghanistan.
The family man leaves and ends up crashing in a helicopter. The military informs his family that he is dead and sadness ensues. Jannick steps up and starts filling the void his brother had left. But what the family did not know was that Michael survived the crash and was taken captive by Afghani rebel fighters. Michael is a hostage with another missing Dutch soldier who is so frightened and falling apart. I won't spoil it if you want to see this movie but what I can share is that the time in the camp and what happens is horrifying. Something Michael keeps to himself and eats him to the core until he is rescued. He does not integrate back with his family, upon his return, and turns more into a monster. Good and bad brothers blend and a family must recover from the collateral damage of war.
Reading Infidel makes me realize that hopes of peace lie in our heart but there is too much fanaticism out there to make it a reality. Too much distinction between people who are good and bad. And ironically, some times, those who we think are bad believe they are good and vice versa.
August 7th 2008 is the day before the opening ceremony of The Olympic Games in Beijing. On this day we aim to create the world's greatest LIGHT PROTEST, when at least 100 million people from all over the world will light a candle and say YES to freedom in Tibet!
All you are asked to do is to light a simple candle on August 7th at 9 pm in your own time zone.
Light the Candle at your home, workplace or in a public place. Put the candle in your Window, or on your desk, or anywhere else where other people will see it and hopefully do the same.
The light protest will be seen by billions on TV screens all over the world on the day the Beijing Olympics open. "We are not against the Olymipcs or anything else for that matter, we stand for Freedom. Period."
On the following day letters will be issued to every head of state in the world to tell them exactly how many people from their country wish Tibet to be free. Letters will be sent to the general secretary of UN, the government in Beijing and to other global organizations with data on global participation.
I know the answer to this naive question but it just saddens me how much we have not evolved as people. Hatred is just such a waste to me but it's alive and well in our world. And you wonder why this will never go away in our life times.
This is from the World Future Society newsletter ....
RESURGENCE OF ANTI-SEMITISM
A U.S. State Department report to Congress warns of an upsurge in anti-Semitism, a trend that has been observed by governments and NGOs worldwide. The report documents incidents of violence, desecration of property, and intimidation toward Jews.
In 2006, countries reporting significant increases in anti-Semitic incidents and expressions included Argentina (35% more than in 2005), Australia (32.5%), and the United Kingdom (31%). Countries where anti-Semitism appears to have become official state policy include Iran, Syria, Belarus, Venezuela, Saudi Arabia, and Egypt, the report charges.
Newer forms of anti-Semitic expression are also emerging, such as criticism of Zionism and Israeli policy that, intentionally or unintentionally, results in promoting prejudice against all Jews and demonizing Israel. "Anti-Semitism couched as criticism of Zionism or Israel often escapes condemnation since it can be more subtle than traditional forms of anti-Semitism," the report notes.
The report calls on world governments to publicly condemn all forms of anti-Semitism and to promote tolerance in schools and in society at large. Civic and religious organizations are encouraged to support awareness, education, and dialogue to promote tolerance and oppose discrimination.
I finished the book at 1:18 am. The first half was very slow but it picked up and was much easier to read. And it's interesting that it comes back to the theme of the enslavement of women in Afghanistan. If it wasn't for the book club discussion, I would not have finished it. The bottom line is I need to read more. More than just on the Internet. I definitely need some coffee right now to wake up. I just read a whole exchange on the book on Amazon, which started with a man alleging that the author was paid off by the CIA and misrepresented America's role in Afghanistan. The web has allowed for these views to be expressed with more exposure. The hatred and anger in this exchange (I gave up on page 3 of many) is evident. The book was a piece of fiction. It was not a memoir. I would have my doubts that many women would have moved their families back to Kabul in real life; especially after surviving the horrors of their lives. It seemed bizarre to me. I've grown up with "belonging" to 2 different countries and I know about those tugs at your heart. I can't imagine any woman with young children, who saw her parents blown up in front of her eyes and is living a safe life now, moving her family back to an unstable political "home." This woman, in the book, lived to tell about horrendous beatings by the Taliban for being on the street on her own and bloody battles with her husband. But it was a piece of fiction after all, and I will leave it at that. It's not raining outside and I see glimpses of sunshine and light through the trees. I wonder if the third storm has already hit the Bay area or is this just a break before it comes down again. Now, that I am up and out of bed, I can see that another storm is definitely coming. More than 50,000 people apparently, still don't have power according to the headlines. I am thankful that mine was not impacted. It seems like my area is hit by power outages when the sun comes out.
We've been programmed that we need to do things we don't want to do. And that is so wrong.
Why can't they just let me go? They take care of their own and I've never been one to follow the crowd.
I can't go online right now so I need to write down my thoughts. I can't lose this notebook.
Just need to care less and less about work and the egos. At the end of the day, work doesn't really matter. Unless it's your own company, it should only be a means to an end.
I want to do this Fellowship and wake up feeling excited about what I do. I want to work with really smart people who want to make a difference in the world and have the capabilities to do so. I know it's asking for a lot but it's what I want.
I can't sit here and speculate that if I didn't have to pay JD off, I could have left in October.
Today would have been my 19th anniversary with Benny ... time flies ... it's weird how I got married in July twice ... well, I am done with that! I feel so much discrimination at work. I know they won't treat a man the way I've been treated. I hate some of the comments I get. Am I just supposed to accept that someone is just who they are? We went out to dinner after the first day of our management meeting in London. I got stuck sitting across from a colleague. He was seated next to our executive admin who is in the midst of planning her wedding. He was talking to her about the wedding and then pointed to me and said: "whatever you do, don't end up like her: DI-VOR-CED." He repeated it 4 times during the dinner. Do I just excuse him for being ignorant? I guess all I need now is just his support for the fellowship program so I can get on with my life. I've learned to have a very thick skin ...
I haven't told anyone what happened on Monday night because it was too shocking and I just have not had any time. On the way from the office around 8:30 pm in a rental car with some of the guys, there was a loud thud on the windshield. A passing car threw or hurled the rusty, old pliers in the picture at the car and broke the glass. The rest of the evening was spent at the police station and getting a new rental car. Not what you expect on a business trip in London.
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