I got the dreaded call today before 9:00 am. It started with, "Hi, my name is Jeff D. you may not remember me but I am a friend of Tom S.'s" To which I replied, "Oh no!!! Don't tell me ...," which was followed by a low scream because he said, "yes, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you that Tom died on Wed." I remember that he shared some more details with me but it hit me so hard that I can't remember much of what was said. How could Tom be gone from this world? He battled leukemia and then an outbreak of cancer for 8 long years. He was one of the most amazing people I got the chance to become friends with.
I met him in 1996 when I moved to Maryland. I flew to Charlotte, NC to "pitch him on my consulting services. He was tough and that's when I first started to respect him. He challenged me with great questions and I stood my own ground. We just hit it off right away, even though he did make me sweat a bit. My competitors all brought these huge teams of senior partners and there I was on my own, no one from my firm with me.
A few days later he called to tell me that we won the enagagement. I started flying out once a week to Charlotte and spending 3-5 days a week working with Tom. I never rented a car while I was there. I would take a taxi to the bank and Tom would drive me to my hotel at the end of the day and pick me up in the morning on the way to work. At the end of the week, a taxi would take me back to the airport. We worked hard and accomplished a lot as one of the best teams I have ever worked on. There was just this mutual respect that I can't describe and a deep friendship.
We talked a lot about the struggles in the workplace. At the time, his boss was horrible and made his life a living nightmare. I tried to help by getting him to have great successes with executives in the business and it worked. But he had the ongoing stress of being under appreciated by his direct management who made his life a living nightmare. They also had resentment to his capabilities and results. Go figure? We spent so much time talking about this and I tried my best to coach him to reduce the stress.
He was such a great friend. He stood by me through a very tough period in my work life and I have to say that he was the one who helped me get through it by believing in me. When I moved to California, I still commuted back and forth to Charlotte in my first few months. After that, we spent hours chatting on the phone and staying connected. Then, his company acquired another one in Sacramento and he hired me to work with him. He came out to California and we got to work together on a few projects. That was the last time I saw him.
But the friendship continued and grew. We chatted frequently and I knew what was going on in his life and I was always talking to him about work related stress and he returned the favor, often. Then, he called to tell me he had leukemia. I was in shock. I teased him about his smoking, which I used to do all the time regardless. I was so sad since he deserved a happy and fulfilling life with his wife, Laura, and daughter, Katie. But that was not the case. He started his treatment. I sent him some music and books to soothe his soul. I didn't know what to do apart from stay in touch.
I called him and he called me, when he could. Some times I got his voice mail and some times, we were able to catch up. He never lost his sense of humor and our sarcasm always cheered each other up. When I wasn't there, he'd leave me a message like "hey, Ayatulla, how's it going? Are you busy with a revolution?" And I'd leave him messages with a sharp edge.
I was so happy when he told me he was better but then they found the cancer. And he was back to the drugs and the chemo and the hell he learned to live in. He would complain but not a lot. He would tell me how tired he was of being weak. We would chat about it. There was nothing we wouldn't talk about. It was safe.
He called me in December and after the call, I burst into tears. It was like he was saying goodbye. He told me that he loved me and it was a very serious conversation. I called him a few weeks later and he was there. I felt a sense of relief. We talked, the last time, in June. I was thinking of him last weekend and should have called him. But I didn't. I wish I had ... I miss him already so much. My heart is broken knowing that he will never tease me again ... no one ever did it as well as Tom did.
I just hope he knew how special he was to me. I will miss him. May you rest in peace, my dear friend.
Here is the obit:
Thomas F.
KANNAPOLIS -- Tom, 55, passed away peacefully and quickly on Wednesday, July 9, 2008.
His memorial service will be 12 noon on Saturday. The family will receive friends from 11 a.m. to noon at Wilkinson Funeral Home and also will hosting friends at the home immediately following the service.
Tom was born in Albuquerque, NM and lived in various states before settling in North Carolina in 1996. He graduated with a degree in history from VCU and received a Master's degree from American University in Organization Development. Tom was known for his wonderful unique sense of humor, and was well-respected, sought out by his friends, family and colleagues for his knowledge, advice, time and energy. He had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and a profound understanding of human relationships. A passionate and avid golfer he had a gift for teaching others the game. He was a Master Gardener who loved to create an inviting and welcoming yard and gardens. Tom's lengthy illness was an opportunity for many to learn about his complicated illness. He worked closely with his doctor, Thomas Steffens and was truly appreciative of the care he received over the past 8 years from him and numerous special nurses and staff at Northeast Oncology.
He was loving and beloved husband of Laura, supportive and nurturing father to Kate of Sydney, Australia, and son of Friend and Polly of Black Mountain. Tom leaves his brothers and sisters. He was caring son-in-law of Virgilio and Emilia of Austin, and special friend, uncle and brother-in-law to numerous other family members and friends.
In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, 5950 Fairview Road, Suite 250, Charlotte, NC 28210
San Francisco is definitely the foggy city. I left Danville at around 4:30 pm yesterday and it was 90 degrees. When I got to the tunnel, it was 80 and then it started dropping to 70 as I got closer to the city. May car read 66 when I got here. It's amazing how different the weather is here in such a close distance. I didn't really know what micro climates were until I moved to California. I hope I won't freeze today since I didn't bring a parka.
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