Woke up this morning to a gloomy cloudy Sunday, after an amazing week of sunshine where I was indoors all week. I drove to work in the dark at 3:00 am. I am definitely feeling down today for many reasons. One is recent disappointments I am feeling with two friends who I was really close to and have found myself in uncomfortable situations with recently. And I wonder why friendships break down. With close girl friends, the ones I really trust and open my heart to, it is so sad when we take a left turn.
What they don't know is how I am questioning everything in my life right now and how I really need them on my side. I simply don't have the energy with every other area of my life exploding in my face right now. I am so tired right now and it's only morning.
I want to do something that makes a difference and on some days, I just want to pack it all in and go write about people and help. I want to help. I just watched a bunch of YouTube videos on the Holocaust since it's eve of remembrance day. It could be the main reason I am sad. I watched the awful stories with the photos of the starved victims and the bodies falling into mass open graves. And then, Anne Frank's words are flashing on the screen.
And I turn on the news and I read an article about Africa that points to the fact that Zimbabwe is where it is today because of leadership or lack of it. Autocracies continue to happen. People continue to be persecuted and killed over ideology, religion and fundamentalism. Of course, I am not comparing as there is no way to do so. But human behavior has not changed and we must never forget and always find compassion.
That is why I am hurting over my two friends. I feel they are so focused on themselves that they don't see how fragile and tired I am right now. I just want peace and quiet. If someone shows you who they are at work, how could you possibly believe they are someone else as a friend?
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