Pursuing Adventures

It's time for change

I just deleted what I wrote earlier this week because I am in a different state of mind right now.  It's time to make some changes in every part of my life and I need to get focused and get rid of all the negative energy and people.

My expectations of people are way too high.  They won't change so I need to make changes to get what I need.  There is no destination.  This is it and I can't let anyone or anything get me down.

I need to get out of the house and get more involved.  I need to be around people who are authentic and don't make me question motives and agendas.  I need honesty and consistency.  

This past week was rough because I don't feel like I have an anchor right now.  It's up to me to create it.

I am am working to get clarity.  I need to do more on my own.  I hope it won't rain on Monday so I can go to Carmel and spend some time by the ocean.  I will need Plan B if it rains. 

Sleep is so important

Last night was the very first time in ages I slept through the entire night and it feels so great.  It could be that the Physical Therapist beat me up so much that it released a bunch of stuff.  She used these graston tools on me and I probably have bruises on my neck and shoulder.  But I think I am seeing the right person at last.  She says that she needs to break down all the scar tissue I have before working on my ribs.  I have to get my foam roller out of my closet and start rolling!

I haven't slept through the night in two months.  I have been waking up at around 3 or 4 am without being able to fall back asleep for a few hours.  I much prefer sleeping through the night to be honest.  I woke up feeling a real release and lightness.  Maybe it's all this chronic pain that has been bringing me totally down? 

Because I feel so absolutely fantastic right now!  Looking forward to a great weekend.  I just want to feel like this forever

I just want to go on strike and wait for someone to finally do the right thing

I've been up half the night crying and just feeling totally empty.  I feel so alone right now and I am so tired.  Emotionally tired of all the battles.  I was at a session last night for female executives and I wanted to get up and scream when the very young presenter was telling us just to follow our dreams.

I have a dream and now with this economy it just feels all the doors are slamming on me.  I know I will work it out some how but it's just an awful feeling to have to have another fight.  I feel like there is absolute no support and everyone is looking at me going, oh you will find something.   I might find something but deep in my heart I don't want to settle.  I am so tired of settling.