I am having a really tough day. I have what to do but just can't focus. No motivation whatsoever. It's not easy to be working so much on my own. This is not what I thought I was signing up for. It's not an environment I thrive in. I need people. Not a lot. But just some interaction with smart and caring people. It is so random these days.
I think part of the challenge is that it's PMDD time and it's impacting my moodiness. I feel really sad and I have no real reason.
I need to see the next 6 months as a gift and have a plan; otherwise the time will just fly by. I wish I was working with different type of people. But the reality is that they won't change and the only thing I can do is work on myself.
An hour later ...
I am feeling better now. It's as though some of the fog has lifted a bit although it does look like it might rain outside. I lit my first log today and am taking it easy. Taking the pressure of. It's not my fault that I find myself in an environment that is not conducive to how I like to work. I need to make sure that in 6 months I find a new home where the people I work with are good people. That is more important than what I actually end up doing.
Spending time with Annie yesterday was good for me. She is still so driven and loves what she does. It was good to see the shift I had made not to invest so much in my career. I want this chapter of my life to be more about connections and doing good. Being challenged is still important but work no longer defines me.
November is almost over and it just flew by. Come January, I need to have my game plan on and get to taking care of making sure the next chapter is what I hope it to be.
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