Shock and sadness - why does it have to be so sudden?

I am really sad.  On my way home from Chicago on Sunday, I received an email from Leah

bad news...my mother is in the hospital, unconscious, and it is not looking good. She was walking with one of my nieces, fell, and at first they only saw that her heart had stopped...now it seems she broke a vertebra in her neck, and has had her brain deprived of oxygen. They don’t expect her to live very long ...

I had to read it twice for it to even register.   I immediately called to see if there was anything I can do to help.  Leah is one of the most even keel women I know but I could hear the pain in her voice.  I didn't start to really cry until I put down the phone and headed to board my flight.  I was in a sea of strangers with tears rolling down my face but no one cared.  I knew what sudden death was all about.  My dad was there in the morning and gone in the afternoon, with no real notice.  He actually called me at work and I was too busy to talk to him.  I never got that chance.  A life long lesson on priorities - work or life?

All I could think at the time was that this wasn't real.  This wasn't happening.  I just spent some time with Leah and her mom in Barcelona this summer.  A lot of fun time.  Her mom was making beautiful packages of Spanish salt as gifts for her friends.  She kept telling her group of friends how much she loved the salt in Barcelona and was making sure she was bringing it back for them to experience.  I marveled at her talent of taking a big bag of salt and transforming it into a charming gift in little individual bags with beautiful labels.  It looked store bought.  And she was having a great time making them; a labor of love. We had a lot of fun times that are replaying over and over in my head.

I have been trying to focus since I got the news but I have been hoping that Leah got to Toronto in time and saw her mom.  Maybe her mom is actually ok?  My brain was spinning and my heart was hoping.  When I was in Barcelona for Rosh Hashanah, Leah's mom was helping us make the chalah.  I wished her a sweet new year.  And now this?  Why?  Why are so many good people taken away too early?  Life is definitely not fair.

And last night, I got the news.  She passed away yesterday.  I am so sad.  If I wasn't heading to Geneva for the summit, I'd go to Toronto for the shiva and to give my mom a huge hug.

Life is so precious.  Let's all make the most of it and disregard the bullshit.

Comments

[Jackie]

A, I am so sorry to hear this. I can only imagine what you are going though, and I'm sorry you are away. I wish you could go to Toronto and see Leah and your Mum, I know its been on your mind. Life is so precious my dear. I'm glad you are here to remind me of this. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Jx xxx