I never imagined that I would love being single so much. Maybe it's just a reaction to being married to an asshole and loving my life today? But, I really, think it's more than that. Right now, I am just focused on what I want and it doesn't include taking care of anyone else. I am also learning to make the best of it and take a much lighter approach to life.
It seems like in my 20s and 30s, it was all about being in a relationship and I had many relationships and even 2 marriages. At least, my first husband was a really great guy but we were way too young. It was a societal pressure to find the guy, make the family and put up the white picket fences. That was the formula of success, apart from education, which equaled degrees, and a great job. And hence, the concept of Superwoman emerges.
To be honest, I would love to have a healthy family life. When it comes to children, I feel that I just wasn't with the right man. I know there are women out there who have had children regardless but I guess I just thought it through too much and could see the writing on the wall for my potential children. I know I am good with children because I was a step mom for years. But here I am now, on my own and single. And you want to know the truth? It's ok. I love it right now. It's as though I desperately need my quiet space now.
Last night I took my New Yorker magazine and headed to one of my favorite places in Danville at 6:00 pm. I staked my space at the bar and saved a spot for a friend who was meeting me there later. I had my first glass of wine in a week and read about Bill Clinton and Obama, checked out new movies I want to see and started reading an article I want to finish today about saving women from the sex slave nightmare in Europe. There were people around me and I was nice to them but I was in my own zone. It felt really comfortable to be out in the world and on my own. I even shifted places in the bar when someone left and I liked his seat better than mine.
Marie showed up about an hour later so I stopped reading and started chatting and eating. In the meantime, the bar filled up with people. I had such a fun evening. She is delightful and full of energy. She had just ended a relationship and we were laughing about how both of us were not ready for the whole dating scene, especially since life right now was so good.
Right after I broke up with JD, I did start dating and it was awful. I met some nice guys but most of them were just into themselves and came with huge baggage. I decided that I would just live my life and whatever happened happened. Now, I just want to start doing what I love and living. If I meet someone fun and secure that would be great. But I am in no rush whatsoever. I am perfectly content with my life. What I want most is to be able to get my health back and do things I love to do. I am blessed with amazing friends who I love dearly and I can't wait to spend today with them :-)
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