I just love the ocean. I find it so calming and inspiring. I can watch it fot hours on end. That's what I did last night while listening to cheesy music and nursing my Don Julio and sangrita. It's morning again and I want to go sit in my lounge chair staring at the wide blue ocean. I am almost finished reading my second Memoir this trip, Tabloid Love. It's a lot lighter read than the first book. This one is about a British woman who wants to be a journalist who comes for a 4 month exchange with the NY Post and her adventures of being single in the city. It's an easy read by the pool.
I wish I wasn't checking work email but I am disengaging more every day. I am getting over the work culture that the universe will fall apart if we don't address everything right now, which is so utterly stupid. We have choice in all of this. And my choice is that MY life is more important than the silly crises engineered by the big boys. Is it the feeling of being needed or control that drives us to put work before our very own happiness?
My biggest realization on this trip is two-fold:
1) Work cannot define me, what I am about and who I am. I am me and I work some where to maintain my lifestyle. I read an article in Ode about how our generation can make a huge difference in society by retiring to do good for other people. I want to be able to focus on more meaningful work while I maintain my lifestyle. I am not that alturistic! I want more Cabo trips and that costs money.
2) A relationship does not define me. No time during this week did I pine to be here with someone. I am not ready and simply don't have room for it in my life right now. It is not THE priority. I no longer believe that the ONE exists. The most important one right now is me. And my friends and family. I've spent too much energy in the men in my life and I've learned some hard lessons from it. And I cherish every lesson. I don't know if I will ever be with a man again. I won't compromise again. They will have to meet where I am and we'll see what happens.
I feel so absolutely happy right now. It's a turning point. Life is messy. But clarity helps a lot and my mission is to get more and more clarity. I am going to work more on my "list" today. I wish I can bring my laptop to the pool so I can write but I will lug along my trusted notebook. It just feels better to be sitting here and writing and not transcribing but the water beckons!
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