OMG, I am not good at being sick. I actually suck. Thank goodness this too shall pass, otherwise I'd simply go totally insane. I want to throw some clothes on and go out ... just do something ... instead of giving all my energy to not scratching. The highlight right now is being able to take a shower and taking my book out later for a reading in the shade. I do love my backyard but I am dying to jump in the pool, which is not an option right now. Today, would have been an excellent day for a party. But I just need to get rid of these annoying blisters. It's like a cleansing by getting rid of all these toxins. I quit taking the Vicodin 2 days ago because it was making me nutty. My friend Amy (I decided I am going to start naming good friends here unless they tell me off for doing so. But I will change all names for the dating scene) told me that I was so spaced out that I kept repeating myself and commenting on the colors of the flowers in the backyard. I don't like taking drugs because they always create side effects and then you have to take 5 new drugs to counter them. So what's the point? I am sticking to the anti-viral ... 2.5 more days and I will be done with them. I think I got the doctor in the first 72 hours so I am very lucky. I know how lucky I am! The advice nurse told me that I will be allowed out of the house ... I can't wait!!!! I need to make some changes with my life soon.
I am not sure why I am having dreams about Mr. Asshole. I am so ready to be done with him and never have another, single thought, ever again. I am such a different person today and don't want anyone that sick in my life again. Love does not conquer all and it does not protect you against losers and pathological liars. I feel sorry for his daughter for having to have this sicko in her life; I can simply divorce him and at some point, it will all be over. This is not a scene in his book; there will be an end very soon. He will either accept my offer or a judge will decide it in court. It has already dragged on so long. It's unbelievable since we were married such a short time and had no kids, pets or plants together. But he is angry and thinks he is getting "revenge" on me. He has no clue that every single day, I say my thanks and gratitude for him being gone. The last few years of living with him were a pure nightmare and I am thankful for my peace of mind and my space. I realized how I grew up with the notion that men are strong and that is so wrong and untrue.
When I found out that despite countless verbal and written promises, he wanted money from me, it made me furious. But I care less and less every day. It doesn't matter because he doesn't matter and soon he will be totally gone. I have been toying with writing a book called Sperm Donor Gone Bad since this is part of what happened in real life. I hope he will get his crap out of my garage by August 1st and I will be DONE!
I have a great line from Stephanie Klein to share: "when I agreed to marry him, I gave him the wrong finger."
Comments