Pursuing Adventures

Sea of flags in Istanbul

Heading back to the hotel from the tour, it became apparent that there was a huge demonstration taking place in the heart of Istanbul. All I saw was thousands of people marching and carrying the Turkish flag and I had no idea what it was all about. It was a sea of people in red. My bus slowly made it to the hotel but not before I got the sense that I was in the midst of a major political event in a country whose politics I was largely ignorant about. At the point, I made a not to myself to always know something about the country I was traveling to. I am familar with the history and recent events but Turkey's current political issues were not on my radar.

Being A Tourist in Istanbul

It was fun to take it easy yesterday and do absolutely nothing. I was fast asleep when my alarm clock went off at 7:00 am. First the phone, followed by the TV demanding that I get out of that comfortable King bed. My room at the Hyatt was fantastic; much nicer than where I am now.
I got up, showered, packed and went downstairs to drop off my bags and check out. I even managed a quick latte and a few bites of oatmeal ... and then went to wait for my tour bus.
I find that everything is transactional here. When I went to find out about a tour, they spent more time outlining the costs and length of each tour rather than focus on what I would get to explore. When I checked in, they wanted to know what time I was leaving so that they can turn over the room. When I got on the bus, the guide told us that we will be rushed through everything and will not have enough time to explore. He focused more on the logistics than getting us excited about what we will see.

I had a fun day but I wish I took a private driver. It was very crowded. Although I would never have met these people otherwise. There was Amy who was 38 from Wisconsin, who as soon as she saw that I was on my own decided to hang out with me so she would not be alone. Over an espresso and some really bad baklava, she told me she was meeting her Turkish Internet man. She has never met him and was planning to spend a week with him. I then understood why her parents were opposed to her trip. It was her second time out of the US; the first trip was to Mexico with 3 girlfriends.
There was Sue Lynn from Vancouver who was actually from Kaula Lampur. She is a counsellor who has taken time off work. She just spent 4 months trekking through Asia and stopped in Turkey to visit her cousin (who works at the Hyatt) on her way to Cairo; a 25-day drive with camping in the dessert, followed by 2-weeks in England. When her battery died on her camera, I let her use mine and told her I'd email her the photos. We parted at the Hyatt with a big hug.
Then there was a group of 9 who told everyone they were from Pakistan but they are on a study trip from Norway. Their immam explained to us that they were experts in conflict resolution and they do generational mediation between parents and children. I almost got into conflict with one of the women (before I knew what they did) when she cut in line in the bathroom.

What I saw today:

Haghia-Sophia : The magnificent Byzantine Church of all times; one of the finest and largest architectural works of art in the world. It has been nominated to be the 8th wonder of the world by many historians

Blue Mosque : One of the biggest mosques of Istanbul from 17th century architecture is one of the principal adornments on the skyline of Istanbul. Also famous for its blue tiles and 6 minarest.

The Museum of Turkish and Islamic Arts : The former palace of Ibrahim Pasha, it now exhibits an extensive collection of nomadic art and ethnography, providing a rich glimpse into the traditional Turkish lifestyle.

Hippodrome : The former center of sprotive and political activities of Constantinople. During the visit you will be able to see the Obelisk from Egypt, Serpentine Column from Delphi and fountain of Willhelm II.

Grand Bazaar : In addition to its historical importance, it's a bazaar that will tempt even the nonshoppers with its rich collection of precious handmade carpets, jewellery, leather and souvenirs. It's mostly closed on Sunday. I did not buy a rug.

Topkapi Palace, with royal treasury and elegant four courts. And the most incredible tulips
Off to dinner with a colleague who lives in Switzerland but is from Turkey ... he is picking me up in 15 minutes so it will be at least, a local evening.

Thoughts on my flights to Istanbul

This was a very rough week for me. I wish I would have read my thoughts from the flight to London, especially that we teach people how to treat us. I was an absolute emotional mess, which I don't like at all.
I am feeling like a totally different person. Just leaving the office and the company behind feels liberating. I don't even know the person who lived through this week. It's very scary when I think about it. I had an emotional meltdown today when the handle of my Tumi suitcase flew out of my hand and the suitcase just plopped to the ground. The taxi driver got back out to see if he could help. But "Fred" was definitely falling apart like me.
I broke down when I finally wheeled and pulled Fred to the conference room I was working from. It felt like the end of the world for no reason. But it did. I had a tough week and the day before the event planner informed me they screwed up my reservation and I did not have a hotel waiting for me in Istanbul. Instead of seeing it as a potential adventure, I was devastated ... and no one really died. How can I be reacting like this when I have friends who are dying of cancer right now? But I did. I sat down and cried. And a few people saw me. I didn't care. I realized it was not about Fred falling apart.
I got lighter once I got into the taxi to Heathrow today. I feel so liberated. And then when I read what I wrote on the flight to London, I realized I wanted to be treated differently. And I have no reason to wait for a promotion that has been promised so long ago. And I started remembering the story about a monkey who was given a jar with a nut inside. The monkey reached into the jar but he couldn't get the nut of the jar because his increased hand size was too big to fit through the narrow neck of the jar. But rather than release the nut so he can remove his hand, the monkey clung on to the nut and had to keep his hand stuck in the jar.
Maybe I am about to get something better than I have ever expected? Will I let go of what I already have so I can reach out and grab the new opportunity? By holding on to what I have, I am keeping myself in a limiting situation. But maybe by releasing what I have and having faith that something much better will come, the universe may bring a gift? I have made my decision to let go ...
Bottom line is so much of what we grow up believing is what we are told is the road to happiness. But it's really a bunch of crap. How could anyone know our heart's desire?
I feel angry. I believed that crap and now it's not so easy to change directions. But it is the only thing to do. I like making a nice living but I hate how I am making that living.
Today is where my book begins ... it's up to me to write the chapters.
Now off to my adventure in Istanbul - whatever happens, happens. Luckily, there is no Company for a few days.
I want to be a free spirit but I have a whole bunch of unlearning to do before I get there. The chains are still there ... time to release one link at a time and breath ...

Today's Milestone: Almost the End

Today marks one year since JD moved out. I've never looked back and I am happier now than ever. Hopefully, soon this date will not be remembered at all as a this chapter of my life will be fully closed. And I never want to look back at that loser. I am raising a glass of champagne to endless opportunities and much joy on the road ahead.

Now to Ambien taking effect (I found my last one) so I won't be too jet lagged and be ready for the crap we call work.

Thoughts on my way to London

Some random thoughts on the flight ....
We teach people how to treat us. The more I realize that I am 100% responsible for what happens and it's not what people do to me, the more free I feel.
And if we have our health, we are truly blessed. The rest is about the choices we make. Every single thing is a choice. No one can do anything for me unless I let them. I have the ability to choose who I want to be and how I respond.
Every day I need to turn on a small light to get to the freedom I am seeking. The more I release breath, the more breathing space I have ... what is one less thing that I need to be afraid of?
As a wine man wrote: "Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could.Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spiritto be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair.It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays."

A new type of adventure

So my adventures are not just confined to a dating service. And since I am traveling for two weeks, there won't be any dating dinners.

I had a fantastic flight to London. I haven't flown in 5 weeks, which is a lot in my life. At the United lounge, the receptionist greeted me and said that she hasn't seen me in a long time and welcome back. I told her that I am surprised that United didn't call me. She laughed and so did I.

I am at the Crowne Plaza at Heathrow, which sucks, because if I was in the city I could go for a walk and enjoy the city. But I really don't feel like shlepping in a long taxi or train ride right now. I still have a lot of work to do for tomorrow because I got nothing done on the plane.

I watched Freedom Writers on the plane and found myself crying and being fully inspired by the story.

I have to go lie down ... more l8r

80% of success is showing up

I realized yesterday how many people are trying to connect with others and how it becomes more difficult as we get older. I arrived early to the meeting spot and stayed in my car, checking out the people around me and I actually did a good job of guessing who was going to the event.
When I walked in, I immediately saw that there were far more women than men. Luckily, I am not obsessed with finding Mr Right that I was not sizing up the competition like some of the other women. I was checking out from both the men and women there, who would be interesting to get to know. It looked like the women would be far more interesting to me.
There was a woman there who was the twin of my friend Diane and I started talking to her. Unlike my friend, she was not very interesting. She was very angry about being single and was definitely there seeking a soul mate. A woman on a mission.
Don, "Mr. I understand" from dinner was also there. I like him. He is fun to talk to; actually interesting. But falls in the "friend" category. He told me he had another dinner with the psychologist and that he did not have a heartburn incident that night.
Everyone finally arrived and the organizer took us to the "luxurious" bus. I checked out the stats: 22 people on this adventure with 8 men and 14 women + 2 event planners. It was fascinating. The women were all shapes and sizes; some put together really well and others looking like they fell out of bed. I don't want to be mean but if the purpose is to ultimately meet someone, shouldn't you take a look in the mirror before leaving the house? However, they do say there is a lid for every pot; so who am I to judge???
And I am going to sound awful but it's my likes and dislikes. I am usually attracted to men who are clean cut, which means no long hair, facial hair and tattoos. Call me old fashioned. I didn't realize these 2 guys were part of the group until we headed to the bus. Yesterday really showed that membership in this group is extremely varied. And it was quite fine because this was a fun wine tasting and not a date ... no pressure ... just some laughs ... and hopefully, decent wine.
I had a nice chat with Don on the way to the first winery. The space was small at this winery. We were told we were sampling 5 wines ... they were ok but nothing I wanted to bring home with me. I got to chat with a number of women and it was fun. It was mostly comparing notes. There were 2 women I clicked with and we exchanged funny dinner stories. It actually gave me the idea to add to my ratings a nickname for each guy. When I tried online dating for a very limited time, I used to name the guys ... there was "deli platter man," " I can't believe you don't have an i-pod guy," and "handsome guy." So why not continue the tradition?
Creepy guy decided to sit next to me when we got back on the bus. He was holding a jar of feta olives. He told me that he likes martinis. I asked him if he was trying to save the earth by not having a bag for the olives. Maybe I was creepy to him? He told me that he has been going to events for 6-months and loves the organization. When the bus was parking, he opened his leather jacket, and shoved the big jar of olives into the inside pocket. My jaw dropped ... who would steal a jar of olives on a bus of 22? I noticed these women writing their names on their wine bottles ... a whole different world for me!
At the second winery, the owner gave us a history of wine in the Santa Cruz area. Apparently, there are 81 wineries in the area. I never knew. The funniest was that after 2 hours at his winery, he told us that he is actually a member of the organization. And one of the women asked to be connected with him when we got back on the bus.

No dinner for me on Thursday

I am having a challenging today dealing with all my lawyers ... I am waiting for the phone to ring with some news ... and then I received this email that made me laugh ... and it was automated ... how personal ... like a cut and paste Dear John letter ...

>>Dear ALB
We appreciate your interest and effort in seeking an opportunity for a dinner arrangement. Unfortunately, we were unable to accommodate you with a suitable match your criteria on Thursday, April 12,2007.We look forward to the opportunity to reschedule your next dining engagement.Please use the link below to update your future dining availability and view the Calendar which is filled with fun and exciting events that you can register for today.As always, we look forward to serving you.<<

I have not had suitable match yet so who knows what this means ... My apologies there will be no report on Thursday

Too many men?

just came back from a fantastic dinner with a dear friend in the city ... we laughed so much. It was great! And on a Monday night ... how fun!
I found this email in my InBox from the dating service:

Subject: ***TOO MANY MEN*** :) ...I thought you'd like reading that!
Hey A,
Have you talked to Meryl? ...I thought you would like to know... the event for tommorrow night has been quite popular with the men. AND, word has it that she could could use some ladies with a great sense of humor, too.... SO I THOUGHT I WOULD LET YOU KNOW!!!! :)
Give her a call, if you can make it! I hope you had a great weekend!
Warmly,
Brenda

I am going to stick with the wine tasting event on Saturday .... I don't think I can handle two blog entries in 1 week on my adventures! And I already have plans with a friend.

Feedback from friends

I've shared this link with a few close girl friends since this is just a fun place for me to share what's going on with these events. I think most of my friends don't blog and comment online. Since I enjoyed their feedback, I will anonymously post it here and hope I didn't offend anyone .

"You gotta think that no wonder some of these guys are single! I loved the ad, though. It's pretty telling when you get to an age where it's more fun hanging out with good female friends than meeting new guys!"

" I like your blog. I especially like the idea of living vicariously through your dating adventures."

"Thanks for sharing your blog and adventures with dinner dates.
I am glad you are having fun with this. I really like your writting style.
Hope to read more later....."

"I can't wait for the next entry and I'm now wondering how can you turn this into a business opportunity so you can quit your day job!!!"

"You’re off to a great start….can’t wait to see how the adventure continues/ Can’t wait until the post wine tasting installment - maybe there will be a few more star guys…..…"

Thank goodness for girlfriends!! I am so lucky!!!

Second Dating Dinner for 6

I gave feedback to Dru, via email, on the first dinner. I politely shared that I had very little in common with any of the people at my table, apart from Elaine who seemed sweet. Dru sent me a nice note saying that it will only get better.

It definitely couldn't get any worse! I remembered the woman on the plane telling me that when men pay this much to join a service, they tend to be high quality and serious. That was convincing to me. I was still hopeful that it was true.

I signed up for another dinner. This time it was at a Pan Asian restaurant I had never heard of in Walnut Creek. It was on Saturday night at 6:30 pm, which I found to be odd. Why so early? I got on Yahoo Maps and saw that it was less than 10 minutes from my house.

It was Saturday and I had a busy day. I had a late lunch with a friend whose wedding I am go to tonight. I am going to start getting ready once I finish writing about this dinner. Back to Saturday.

I did 2 wardrobe changes until I felt good about what I was wearing. I got in my car and headed to the restaurant and parked at 6:29 pm. I took a deep breath and headed inside. I asked the hostess if Dru was there. She pointed at the bar. Dru jumped out at me and gave me one of her big hugs. There were 7 people at the bar area. Two men and a woman sitting on a low couch opposite of me. Another man was sitting on a bar stool at the end of the bar and two women were on stools next to me. They started talking to me. One told me that she was a kindergarten teacher from Fairfax. I had no idea where Fairfax was. The chit chat stopped as Dru started to lead people to the table. The two women stayed at the bar; they told me they are part of the older group that was meeting a bit later.

I still didn't understand a dinner on Saturday night at 6:30 p.m. but there I was.

So we had 2 women (including yours truly) and 3 men. Apparently the third woman did not show. Maybe her motorcycle broke down?

So here is the scoop on the people I was about to have dinner with. There was a very sweet man named Morty. He looked like he was in his-mid 50s and was a small, smiling man. He shared with us that he lived an hour away and worked in a family business. He was hoping to start a new business connected to wellness. Next to him was Patty who worked in marketing; she seemed 10 years older than me and was very matter of fact.

Danny was sitting next to her. When I asked him what he did, he told me that he was a psychologist. He had a thick Bostonian accent. It was very difficult to engage with him; he was more interested in ordering his food than anything else. He was physically "okay" but his social skills were questionable.

To my right, there was Don who was a professional business person who I enjoyed talking to but no more than that. He had been through a tough divorce and was concerned about his 16 and 18 year old kids. We spent a lot of time talking about them and his experience with this dating service. He did date someone he met at a dinner for a few months. When I would say something, he would keep saying "I understand," which made me want to smack him. But I had just met him!

When the guys asked me what I did, I volunteered that I was a brain surgeon. They bought it but then I let them in on the truth. It started us laughing. I was going to make this dinner fun even if it killed me since I didn't think I would see most of these people again. I am not sure if they match people again. This is all new to me.

Danny called the waitress over and insisted that we should all order. I had no idea what I wanted; nothing jumped out at me and I did have a late lunch so I wasn't very hungry. Danny ordered his halibut with a bowl of brown rice. I can't remember what anyone else ordered because his meal became a topic of conversation later. Patty was the only one who did not order a glass of wine.

Morty and Patty were busy talking about Morty's new business interest; maybe she would end up helping him with his marketing? When they were done, she turned to Danny and asked him about his work. And then it started, she wanted advice about her sister. Apparently, she just got married again and has gone on anti-depressants. I never really thought that people seek this type of advice over a dinner conversation. I was learning so much ... I had been leading such a sheltered life.

The food started to arrive. Danny's brown rice was placed next to Don so I handed it to him. Danny then called the waitress over and asked for butter. She couldn't understand his accent as he kept asking for 2 packets of butter ... we helped her out. She returned with A LOT of butter. The food then arrived and we each focused on it. The food was okay but not great. I had some seared tuna and I think I was the only person who liked raw fish. After finishing his meal, Danny excuses him and goes to the men's room.

The rest of us talked about our experiences at these dinners. Morty admitted that he likes the opportunity to go out and socialize with people. They all had an experience where one or two people don't show up. It felt like I was more at a social event than a dating scene. I guess we all knew that there were no real sparks flying across the table. Danny returned and then left a few times again. When he finally returned with a coke or a pop as they say in Boston, he shared his struggle with heartburn. Not something I really had any interest in hearing about. I commented that often it is a combination of food groups and per chance, maybe the butter had something to do with it??? It was like a light bulb went off in his head and he acknowledged that it has happened quite a bit with butter. DUH!! Maybe there was hope for me to become a doctor?

I was scared to look at my watch. It felt like I had been there for a long time but I guessed that maybe 60 minutes had passed and my Saturday night would still be free. We got our individual bills and once paid, Danny jumped up and bid his goodbye. No great loss.

We continued to sit and chat for another 30minutes. They were nice people. Patty admitted to me that she really doesn't want a serious relationship. She was planning to get back to work once she got home from dinner.

So we all decided to call it a night ... I got into my car and saw the clock flashing 8:30 pm ... on Saturday. Life needs to get much better than this ..

So ... next is a dinner in SF on Thursday and a wine tasting on Saturday ... stay tuned ...