Pursuing Adventures

Watching the Newlyweds

Breakfast again. It has not become routine. Went back to reading Aleph and it is very relevant right now:

"we always tend to value what comes from afar, never recognizing the beauty around us."

" i had allowed myself to be slowly poisoned by routine."

Lots of thoughtful reading poolside today.

There are many newlyweds here. One couple who arrived yesterday caught my attention. Today, they arrived with their Kindles and smartphones. They are eating without talking. Each reading their ebooks.

And how funny is it that today I was asked if I was feeling lonely being here on my own. I have learned over the last five years to more and more cherish my alone time. There is also nothing that i feel I am missing by not venturing outside my cocoon. It is why I chose this resort. I needed to go deep inside.

I don't have my answers but i am not sure what the questions were.

An email exchange: Are we at war, do we need "wins"?

Yes, I agree!  I think we are slowly getting there and starting to make in roads.  My ultimate vision (which is suppose to be aspirational in nature) is that I totally work myself and my team out of a job and it is just second nature in how we conduct ourselves and business!  We have a way to get there and we need to start building it into our leadership models, business models, etc, etc. 

I know you are frustrated and would like to get there sooner and some of the work you see being done feels like a step in the wrong direction.  At the end, you need to find those wins (which you have recently) and hold on to them!

Your vision is 150+% aligned with mine.  

I do have issues with the approach and that it's not about speed; it's about alignment.  I have to be honest and say that I am frustrated.  But it's more about not feeling accepted and part of the team than anything else.   I am in absolute culture shock as I am used to working in a very flexible environment without command and control.  I am glad that everyone else is passionate and feels they are part of a coalition but I don't feel very included to be honest.  Anyhow, I am going to do work with the field over the next few weeks and am looking forward to working directly with our people, customers and partners.  I love the field.  I love the passion of our people.  We have some amazing people.  For me, it's not about wins.  It's about making an impact and really helping our people and leaders.   

Yes, remember to bottle that energy!  There are places where you can re-energize and others that expend all of your energy.  It is a matter of where you put those force fields up :)

Take care!

What a week

It just flew by.  And, I am happy tomorrow is Friday.   My PMDD was so bad this time that I was an emotional wreck all week.  Everything bugged the hell out of me.  I reacted to everything.  I sweated the smallest crap.  Everything was wrong.  I was irrational.  Does that sound like PMDD?  And you think that after suffering for years, I would have figured it out by now.  But it gets me every single time.  Those freakin crazy hormones.

Clearing my Friday night blues

I just woke up from a very deep sleep and I am feeling really down.   I think it's mostly about work.   Some things do not seem to be moving and it would have been nice to see some progress before the weekend.I also talked to a recruiter about a great job but we could not take it to the next step because they have a non compete with my employer <sigh> I just wish I started the weekend with some movement. I know it's unrealistic but I am not feeling very rational right now; it's mostly about emotions and hormones.

I started the day with an hour of listening to one of my executives share his frustrations with me.  I so resonated with everything he was telling me and there was nothing I can do to make sense of the injustices that he has faced.  None of it makes sense.   I feel like I am in the crazy ward of an asylum and the patients are running it (One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest). 

And the sad part is what happened last week has had the entire team take sides and they are siding with the top down authority rather than standing up for what's right.  I feel like I work with a bunch of robots.  What did I expect?  No one has balls and this fight is not worth fighting. 

Hoping a recruiter without a non-compete calls real soon with another great opportunity where I can make a difference.  That's all I want.

Re-connecting

I met up with an acquaintance I have not seen in years for lunch.  We actually reconnected first through Yelp.  One day I received a friend request asking if this was me.  We exchanged a few emails and said that we'd get together.  Then, some time later, we connected on LinkedIn.  And again, exchanged emails and talked about getting together when I am in the South Bay.  It never happened.

Last week, we connected on Facebook and today, we finally met for lunch, which was really fun.  I am hoping to connect with her more often.  She told me about her career progression and it made me realize that so much about finding a job is the people you know; your network.  The connections you make through the school you attend in the US is also critical.  There seems to be an unwritten connection for some people through their alumni.  It really does not exist to the same extent with the schools I attended because they are outside the US and do not have the same alumni program. 

Okay, it's time now to reconnect over dinner ...

reflections

The bottom line is that I can do a great job in my current position.  The bad news is that I am not motivated.  I feel like I stepped back 10 years in my career.  And I have to ask myself why can't I find the job I want?