Reality is another word I am thinking about a lot lately.
It has so much to do with perception. So I turned to Wikipedia to see
what the accepted definition is:
"Reality, in everyday usage, means "the
state of things as they actually exist." Literally,
the term denotes what is real; in its widest sense, this includes
everything that is, whether or not it is observable or comprehensible. Reality
in this sense includes being and sometimes is considered to include nothingness,
as well. By contrast, the term existence is often restricted solely to
being (compare with nature). The term reality first appeared in
the English language in 1550, originally a legal term in the sense of
"fixed property."
It originated from the Modern Latin term realitatem, which was from Late
Latin realis; the meaning of "real existence" is from 1647
onwards."
We grow
up thinking that the same reality exists for everyone and that is where we make
the first mistake in our thinking. And when you think about it, the concept of
truth and justice is also subjective.
I was graciously invited last week
to hear John Sobrino, SJ speak last
week at Santa ClaraUniversity. Twenty years have passed since this Jesuit priest narrowly escaped being murdered by
a government death squad alongside eight others.And I came to hear him talk about what we we
have learned since this atrocity.
This priest was teaching at the Jesuit-runUniversity of Central America in San Salvador, but away from his residence in Thailand, when
his housemates were murdered for their opposition to the country’s civil war.
Six Jesuit priests, their housekeeper, and her 15-year-old daughter were killed.
His talk
made me think about what reality really means.He shared that: “we have learned that the world’s poor are practically
of no consequence to anyone—not to the people who live in abundance nor to the
people who have any kind of power. The First World is not interested in the Third World. As history shows, it is interested only in
ways to despoil the Third World to increase
its own abundance.”
Wow.That was so powerful.What he is saying is that our reality of
abundance has made us blind to the struggles of the poor. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about the
superficiality of our society. I was
attending a Corporate Social Responsibility Summit and as I was listening to the
speakers, I kept thinking that if we are all as successful as we claim to be in
helping, why is poverty still so widespread? Why are our realities so different?
There needs to be a collective right and wrong so we can create some semblance of order in society. However, I am now believing that right and wrong are very personal and subjective.
Our parents and teachers instill in each of us a set of values of what is right and wrong. Not only through what they say but more importantly, what they actually do. And we grow up thinking these rules will bring us both justice and happiness. Both are false beliefs.
In reality, we learn that what I may believe is right does not correspond to my boss' world order or even my partner. Some people feel "wronged" because life is not happening based on the "rules," whatever they believe they should be.
Yesterday, I rushed out of the house and forgot to take my new medication. I had a very stressful drive and missed my first meeting. At one point, I found myself yelling at the top of my lungs at what I thought was a very stupid driver. I actually felt a great release after that. It felt good to just let it all go. I never realized how relaxing it could be.
When I got back in my car after 4:00 pm to head home, I felt exhausted. No energy. I called my mom and yawned through the entire call (not because I was bored). I was so happy to be home. I was in bed at 8:00 pm and fast asleep by 8:08 pm. I have a feeling that it was because I forgot my med.
Lesson learned: I have to take better care of my body. I have to not just live inside my head.
At the end of the day if we have our health, we all have the ability to make choices about our lives. I was turning into Santana Row today when I saw a young couple running with a baby carriage. I don't know them. But my impression was of a very vibrant young couple who was taking care of themselves and enjoying the gorgeous day.
We choose our lifestyle. We choose our jobs. We choose whether we are married or single. We choose what we do every day.
When I think about it, while I always thought I would have kids I chose not to have kids because I was in bad relationships. When you are young, you don't realize the power you have.
I know that everyone faces challenges in their life and yet, we make so many assumptions in our day to day life. We mostly make assumptions about other people.
I feel blessed that I have my health and I need to spend more energy on thinking about the choices I make.
Right now, I am sad about something in my life but I am choosing not to create waves.
Inflected Form(s): plural
tyr·an·niesEtymology: Middle English tyrannie, from Middle French, from
Medieval Latintyrannia, from Latin tyrannus tyrantDate: 14th century
1 : oppressive power
<every form of tyranny over the mind of man — ThomasJefferson>;
especially : oppressive power exerted by government <the tyranny of a police
state> 2 a : a government in which absolute power is vested in a single
ruler; especially : one characteristic of an ancient Greek city-state b : the
office, authority, and administration of a tyrant3 : a rigorous condition
imposed by some outside agency or force <living under the tyranny of the
clock — Dixon Wecter>4 : a tyrannical act <workers who had suffered
tyrannies.
The more I think it, the more
I realize that you can see people's true faces during times of crisis.
And watching people at work during this downturn made me think of how so many
of us are experiencing tyranny. All this bullshit about "do what you
love" is not real. Very few people get to actualize it in their life
time. And it's not that we are victims because we are the lucky ones who
have choice. But often, companies in corporate America
who win awards and have their culture published on their website and on their
walls, have tyranny. What is fascinating is the power of fear.
People will express disdain in private but will go with the flow in public,
even though it conflicts with their own values.
I had hoped that by 2009
humanity would have evolved more but in essence, we just put different labels
on the same old behaviors. People are telling me that the inner circle
has become more insular and I have to agree. What I see is a group of
people in the center who have lost touch with the reality of what the average
employee faces and another group trying to get their attention and to be
included.
You know what it really
reminds me of? High school.
decide to become curious rather than judgmental perceive more, judge less get curious about the motivation for anger
free yourself from the disease of making others wrong
Think of solutions
what do I like about this person? how can I help this person?
decide to appreciate something from a negative person or situation focus on what's right find something to appreciate and where we are - what's working and appreciate what's not working
My brain is churning as I sit here staring blankly at my computer screen. The email keeps pouring in and the tweets are attacking my screen with notifications of friends, top people I follow, my company and a few other searches I programmed. Looks like people have a lot to say on this Monday morning.
And I sit here with my coffee at my side staring, numb. Not sure where to start and if to start since I have a call in 8 minutes. And I know that once I start trying to get my Inbox down, people will just start responding and it's a never ending game of email. Although email from people I care about can come in at a furious pace. I would love to get more actually. Especially now when I am feeling so isolated.
November 1–7: Partnership provides the power you need to make major changes in your home or in your beliefs. Daily events indicate where change will be most effective. If you must work hard, work at establishing or regaining the joy you have felt in the past when your efforts resulted in successful completion. If you struggle at first, redirect your attention—not 180 degrees, but about five degrees—to focus on a slightly different facet of the problem. Then use your power to push through a tiny gap in what you at first thought was an impenetrable wall.
November 8–14: This week provides time for creative activities. On November 8 you may gather both facts and materials for your project. A female provides basic tools or supplies. Prayer or meditation early on November 10 serves you well. On November 11 your contemplative practice results in insights concerning travel plans and financial matters. Emotions achieve greater balance on November 12 and you achieve peace regarding an old worry or sorrow. Make time on November 14 to enjoy solitude as you travel by yourself or simply wander without any particular goal in mind.
November 15–21: Intuition guides your hand in every creative project you have in the works. On November 15 your imagination kicks in with even more ideas, and you have to choose what to do first and what to store away in your diary for future consideration. Wordplay is a key feature in the work environment all week, so be sure your mind is rested and ready for the games. On November 16 you discover that you have to pay attention or you can get caught in a power play. On November 17, however, your practical outlook assures that you can hold your ground with the most assertive opponent.
November 22–30: An associate turns up the energy in a romantic relationship, and you can add just the right sexy quality to his or her appearance. While you’re at it, work on your own romance by postponing discussions that might lead to arguing. Instead, focus on making party arrangements on November 22, completing holiday décor on November 23 and shopping for last-minute food items or other practical needs on November 24. Make time for rest and relaxation on November 25 and include your sweetie in this plan. The rest of the week is filled with phone calls, emails and loads of creativity. Take a hefty timeout early on November 27.
life is too short, grudges are a waste of perfect happiness laugh when you can - apologize when you should and let go of what you can't change. love deeply and forgive quickly take chances - give everything - have no regreats life is too short to be unhappy you have to take the good with the bad smile when you're sad - love what you got and always remember what you had always forgive but never forget learn from your mistakes but never regret people change & things go wrong but always remember life goes on.
I need to get up and get ready to go to the city and then head to wine country.
But I am just lying in bed thinking that I need a plan or time will just keep passing by. I need to come up with a list of what I want to do in my next 4 years. I need to be very concrete. Otherwise time just keeps going by and I want to fill this feeling of isolation.
I want to get back to my plan of living out loud. I took a wrong turn and need to find my way back.
Last night I went to hear Jeannette Walls speak. I didn't know what to expect. It was at a country club down the street from me that I didn't even know existed. There were 300 people there; mostly women with a few men sprinkled in to the crowd. I was with some type A personalities so we were able to sit in the second row and have some decent wine as we waited.
I have to say that it was a great talk and I found myself grabbing a pen and taking notes so I can capture it here:
My fantasy was always that a rich kid would read my story and as a result be nicer to the poor kids in the class. I had a girl tell me that while she was on vacation in the Bahamas (laughter), she read my book and it made her realize how fortunate she was and how some of the girls who don't dress well may just not have the means to do so. I feel like my fantasy became a reality.
I learned not to underestimate people's ability to offer something and I am now on a campaign to have people tell their stories. Even if it's just coming to terms with your own story - just for yourself. We tell our stories so people can see how similar we are -- maybe we can actually learn something from it without having to live through the pain of it? At the end, life is what you choose to make it as you shape it and choose to see it.
There are as many reasons for homelessness and you can't put all the circumstances in one box. My mom told me that things work out in the end. And when I asked her what if they don't, she told me "then you're not at the end yet."
People don't want charity. They want to help themselves. If you allow them to feel they can contribute, they will more likely accept your help.
We are all strong. I just had the opportunity of having a really crappy childhood to prove it.
When someone told me about Outward Bound, I thought that rich people have to pay for their hardship. They didn't have to face the adversity in their day-to-day life and learn how to navigate the obstacles.
Don't forget that you have the power to overcome adversity, even if you have to pay for it!!!
Don't ever apologize for your scars. It just shows that you survived. We all have texture, which makes you strong and unique.
It's only 9:00 am and I am already feeling frustrated. I think it's a combination of the ongoing period and the reactions I am having to the new blood pressure medicine. I woke up at 4 am in unbelievable pain and I am just starting to feel better. It always happens to me that when I take something for one symptom, I get all the side effects <sigh>
I was also not clear on my intent of coming back to a job where I am the subject matter expert. I am so tired of having to get other people to do something. I feel like I am just wasting my life right now.
And with that, I am going to take today's meds and get on my next call
There is too much fear right now or has it always been around and I am just noticing it now? A colleague told me last week in London that he feels that he "lost part of his humanity by doing his job." That single comment struck me like a pound of bricks falling on my head.
Why do we so easily give up our power? Why don't we realize that high school has a place in time in our lives and should not be allowed to play over and over again? In our society, people get a job both as a way to pay for their lifestyle and some have the privilege of doing so for their EGO.
Here are some things that have been posted online by employees:
XTZ has no transparency into the promotion process, it works as a good old boy network. Aside from a few token women VPs, there are no career advancement opportunities for women. Management does not listen to employees - their egos are so large, they either know it all already or they are too busy fighting internal territorial battles. If you want a company exploding with arrogance, this is the right one."
Sexist (toward women), leadership isn't the best and brightest, colleagues aren't always straight forward and there tends to be a fair amount of passive-aggressive behavior
Sigh. People tend to complain about it rather than do anything. I feel an overall sense of being around people with dual presonalities. One is when they act the way they were expected and the other what they share in private. And ironically, everyone knows what the issues are but no one is willing to do anything about it.
Yesterday on Twitter someone I follow posted a tweet that made me shake my head. I couldn't respond because I use my Twitter account professionally and got rid of my personal account a while ago. She posted that she is disgusted with women who tell strangers they have PMS. It being Twitter, I didn't have any context to her statement. But I did know that I immediately put her in an "intolerant" box and jumped to the conclusion that her life has not been impacted by PMs or even worse, PMDD.
Having suffered from PMDD since an early age, I am sensitive to this. I suffered for years without knowing what was impacting me. Ironically, I suffered so much and yet never had the gift of children.PMDD has impacted every aspect of my life. That saying about walking a mile in someone else's shoes is very insightful. As humans we make too many assumptions about other people without really knowing what's behind their actions. I have come to realize that many people act out their childhood later in life. Areas where we were wronged become areas for us to focus on. So much stems from what we classify as right and wrong.
And I find myself, at this point of my life, wanting to go back to basics. I want meaningful relationships and conversations. I want people who are real and can accept me for who I am and want to grow and learn with me. I guess I am just tired of the bullshit and yet I am mired in it.
So happy to be back home but having a rough week. I am not sure if I am PMDDing or just experiencing massive disappointment from what I experienced last week. I had a friend tell me that they've lost part of their humanity to their job. This made me so sad but I also understand it. People who have high ethical standards often struggle with the raging egos in the corporate world. And as another friend on the east coast told me yesterday, some people are struggling with their shift from old word "success" to seeking fulfillment.
And here I am awake at 2:41 am feeling unsettled. I love being home in my own bed but I am feeling very isolated and alone. More alone than I have felt in a very long time. And with what I experienced last Thursday night, I find myself a bit speechless, which is so rare for me. Why do we accept people behaving badly? Why do people just follow and not speak out? What are we so scared of?
October 11, 2009
Do you ever think about what you were doing one year from today and what has happened since that day? I want to blog more since it helps remind me what I was up to ... and where I am today.
I got home from London last night and I am just doing NOTHING. Yes, the laundry is going and I have to put my stuff back "in place" but I am just watching silly movies and breathing ... again. It's good to be home. It has been a crazy week.
You choose your life, that is to
say, you choose all the conditions of your life, when you choose the thoughts
upon which you allow your mind to dwell. Thought is the real causative force in
life, and there is no other. You cannot have one kind of mind and another kind
of environment. This means that you cannot change your environment while
leaving your mind unchanged, nor — and this is the supreme key to life — can
you change your mind without your environment changing too.This then is the
real key to life: if you change your mind your conditions must change too. Your
body must change, your daily work or other activities must change; your home
must change; the color-tone of your whole life must change, for whether you be
habitually happy and cheerful, or low-spirited and fearful, depends entirely on
the quality of the mental food upon which you diet yourself. Please be very
clear about this. If you change your mind your conditions must change too. We
are transformed by the renewing of our minds.
You cannot be
healthy; you cannot be happy; you cannot be prosperous; if you have a bad
disposition. If you are sulky, or surly, or cynical, or depressed, or superior,
or frightened half out of your wits, your life cannot possibly be worth living.
Unless you are determined to cultivate a good disposition, you may as well give
up all hope of getting anything worth while out of life, and it is kinder to
tell you very plainly that this is the case. If you are not determined to start
in now and carefully select all day the kind of thoughts that you are going to
think, you may as well give up all hope of shaping your life into the kind of
thing that you want it to be, because this is the only way.
In short, if
you want to make your life happy and worth while, you must begin immediately'
to train yourself in the habit of thought selection and thought control. This
will be exceedingly difficult for the first few days, but if you persevere you
will find that it will become rapidly easier, and it is actually the most
interesting experiment that you could possibly make. in fact, this thought
control is the most thrillingly inter' interesting hobby that anyone could take
up. You will be amazed at the interesting things that you will learn about
yourself, and you will get results almost from the beginning.
Make up your
mind to devote one week solely to the task of building a new habit of thought,
and during that week let everything in life be unimportant as compared with
that. If you will do so, then that week will be the most significant week in
your whole life. It will literally be the turning' point for you. If you will
do so, it is safe to say that your whole life will change for the better. In
fact, nothing can possibly remain the same. This does not simply mean that you
will be able to face your present difficulties in a better spirit; it means
that the difficulties will go.
This
then is your prescription. For seven days you must not allow yourself to dwell
for a single moment on any kind of negative thought. You must watch yourself
for a whole week as a cat watches a mouse, and you must not under any pretense
allow your mind to dwell on any thought that is not positive, constructive,
optimistic, kind. This discipline will be so strenuous that you could not
maintain it consciously for much more than a week, bur I do not ask you to do
so. A week will be enough, because by that time the habit of positive thinking
will begin to be established. Some extraordinary changes for the better will
have come into your life, encouraging you enormously, and then the future will
take care of itself. The new way of life will be so attractive and so much
easier than the old way that you will find your mentality aligning itself
almost automatically.
If you make a
false start, or even if you go on well for two or three days and then for any
reason "fall off" the diet, the thing to do is to drop the scheme
altogether for several days, and then to start again afresh. There must be no
jumping on and off, as it were.
First
of all, what do I mean by negative thinking? Well, a negative thought is any
thought of failure, disappointment, or trouble; any thought of criticism, or
spite, or jealousy, or condemnation of others, or self-condemnation; any
thought of sickness or accident; or, in short, any kind of limitation or
pessimistic thinking. Any thought that is not positive and constructive in
character, whether it concerns you yourself or anyone else, is a negative
thought. Do not bother too much about the question of classification, however;
in practice you will never have any trouble in knowing whether a given thought
is positive or negative. Even if your brain tries to deceive you, your heart
will whisper the truth.Second, you
must be quite clear that what this scheme calls for is that you shall not
entertain, or dwell upon negative things. Note this carefully. It is not the
thoughts that come to you that matter, but only such of them as you choose to
entertain and dwell upon. It does not matter what thoughts may come to you
provided you do not entertain them. It is the entertaining or dwelling upon
them that matters. Of course, many negative thoughts 'will come to you all day
long. Some of them will just drift into your mind of their own accord
seemingly, and these come to you out of the race mind. Other negative thoughts
will be given to you by other people, either in conversation or by their
conduct, or you will hear disagreeable news perhaps by letter or telephone, or
you will see crimes and disasters announced in the newspaper headings. These
things, however, do not matter as long as you do not entertain them.
In fact, it is
these very things that provide the discipline that is going to transform you
during this epoch-making week. The thing to do is, directly the negative
thought presents itself — turn it out. Turn away from the newspaper; turn out
the thought of the unkind letter, or stupid remark, or what not. When the
negative thought floats into your mind, immediately turn it out and think of
something else. Best of all, think of God as explained in The Golden Key. A
perfect analogy is furnished by the case of a man who is sitting by an open
fire when a red hot cinder flies out and falls on his sleeve. If he knocks that
cinder off at once, w without a moment's delay to think about it, no harm is
done. But if he allows it to rest on him for a single moment, under any
pretense, the mischief is done, and it will be a troublesome task to repair
that sleeve. So it is with a negative thought.
Now what of
those negative thoughts and conditions which it is impossible to avoid at the
point where you are today? What of the ordinary troubles that you will have to
meet in the office or at home? The answer is, that such things will not affect
your diet provided that you do not accept them, by fearing them, by believing
them, by being indignant or sad about them, or by giving them any power at all.
Any negative condition that duty compels you to handle will not affect your
diet. Go to the office, or meet the cares at home, without allowing them to
affect you. (None of these things move me), and all will be well. Suppose that
you are lunching with a friend who talks negatively — do not try to shut him up
or otherwise snub him. Let him talk, but do nor accept what he says, and your
diet will not be affected. Suppose that on coming home you are greeted with a
lot of negative conversation — do not preach a sermon, but simply do not accept
it. It is your mental consent, remember, that constitutes your diet. Suppose
you witness an accident or an act of injustice let us say — instead of reacting
with pity or indignation, refuse to accept the appearance at its face value; do
anything that you can to right matters, give it the right thought, and let it
go at that. You will still be on the diet.
Of
course, it will be very helpful if you can take steps to avoid meeting during
this week anyone who seems particularly likely to arouse the devil in you.
People who get on your nerves, or rub you up the wrong way, or bore you, are
better avoided while you are on the diet; but if it is not possible to avoid
them, then you must take a little extra discipline — that is all.
Suppose that
you have a particularly trying ordeal before you next week. Well, if you have
enough spiritual understanding you will know how to meet that in the spiritual'
way; but, for our present purpose, I think I would wait and start the diet as
soon as the ordeal is over. As I said before, do not take up the diet lightly,
but think it over well first.
A closing word
of caution: Do not tell anyone else that you are on the diet, or that you
intend to go on it. Keep this tremendous project strictly to yourself.
I must try to get some more sleep since it's 3:27 am here in London and I realized how much work I need to get done today between all the meetings.
I had an amazing time in Boston and it has been so depressing to be here in London. No one seems happy and everyone is going through the motions. It's sad to think how much everyone invests in their job and that they now say this is just part of corporate life. That it's not better any where else so they just do as they are told. That just doesn't seem right to me ... and I am so back in ego land. Going to try to count sheep instead of assholes now ...
I am too young to have hot flashes but here they are ...
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